_{“What are you talking about? *I* had sideburns first.  A style biter, that’s what you are.”}

The big story over the weekend was that Wolverine is combating piracy in part by showing “different endings” of the film spread across a few different prints.  Meanwhile, Cinematical describes them as “after-the-credits endings.”

Am I missing something?  If a scene comes after the credits, it’s not an “ending,” is it?  It’s an outtake, a deleted scene, an alternate ending.  So that’s the story.  Wolverine has multiple outtakes that play after the credits.  Amazing.  I hope I see the one where Wolverine and Saber Tooth finally kiss.  There was so much tension between them.

Silly Wolverine, bringing a bayonet to a dirt clod fight

After the jump, watch “Brothers”, the latest 60-second TV spot for X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which shows Wolverine fighting in the Civil War, Wolverine fighting in World War II, Wolverine fighting in Vietnam… Maybe the twist is that he’s like some 1000 year old vampire who moved to Seattle to bang high school chicks or something like that.  Or maybe he became a superhero by being the only guy to kill more gooks than Clint Eastwood.  Back when I was in Korea, we wouldn’t waste a bullet on a gook. We’d just push ‘em off the top of our giant pile a dead gooks…

Anyway, watch it while you can, because the people at Fox are busy trying to get it pulled from the Internet.  That’s right, they’re trying to stop people from seeing their commercial.  Why?  Because they’re f-cking idiots, that’s why.  Fox is the company God created to make everyone else look smart by comparison.

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^{Homophobic Turtle sees nothing wrong with flexing and grimacing… though his shell feels harder all of a sudden.}

I’m cautiously optimistic about the Wolverine movie.  But it’s hard not to notice that the new trailer has more grimacing and flexing in it than Everybody Does Raymond (great flick, btw).  I know Wolverine’s supposed to be a really manly dude and all, but there’s a fine line between acting really manly and acting like a gay cocktease. I mean… so I’ve heard. From a homosexual. Who I stress, I’m just friends with.  GRRR, WRESTLING PARTNER!

Also: Fox made this. Ruh roh. (Video below)

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Some new pictures of facial hair twinsies Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber (Sabretooth) from Wolverine have hit the web.  It’s a good thing Hugh Jackman is gritting his teeth and flexing so hard in this picture, otherwise that wifebeater might’ve looked gay.

UPDATE: The studio sicked their lawyers on everyone because God forbid we advertise their movie for free, so now the footage from the film is gone. In the meantime, you’ll just have to enjoy this drawing I made of Wolverine.  I decided to give him a No Fat Chicks t-shirt.  Oh, and I included some video from Hugh Jackman’s appearance after the jump.

Probably the biggest thing to happen at Comic-Con last week was the premiere of the first footage from X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which features Gambit, The Blob, Wolverine stabbing motherf*ckers with his claws, etc. Many attendees published play-by-play accounts of the footage last week, but I figured I’d wait to post the actual video, because reading a transcript of this is like trying to describe porn to a blind person. Okay, now he’s smacking her boob with his weiner again.  Yeah, dude, it’s pretty hot.

Opens May 1, 2009 – part 2 after the jump.