Will and Jaden Smith prepare to watch The Last Airbender

Did you ever dream that one day Will Smith and his obnoxious son would team up with M. Night Shyamalan for a sci-fi film in the vein of Avatar? …Yeah, me, neither. I guess I lack a “European sensibility.” But for the rest of you paté-toting exposition lovers, today brings us the trailer for After Earth, M. Night Shyamalan’s follow up to The Last Airbender (combined RottenTomatoes score of Shyamalan’s last three movies: 47%), starring Will Smith and Jaden Smith, as a future general and his son crash landed and trying to survive on a now-dangerous Earth. Check out the trailer after the jump, but I warn you, Will Smith’s accent is a Keanu-in-Dracula level train wreck. It is glorious.

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Say what you will about M. Night Shalamidong, if you’ve seen any of his films since Lady in the Water, you know that he’s really committed to this whole becoming-the-worst-director-in-the-universe thing. It’s actually kind of impressive. Movies as bad as Lady in the Water and The Last Airbender usually only come along once in a generation. Of course, none of this applies if you have a “European sensibility,” in which case he’s great. (*inhales fart, spreads own poop on baguette*).

His next project stars Jaden Smith, because at this point, why not, and it’s called After Earth. It’s a sci-fi film that tells of a dystopian future where all the actors have died off and all that’s left are the obnoxious wiener kids of megalomaniacal celebrities using them as living extensions of their “brand.” The big twist at the end is herp-a-derpaly hee haw (*fart noise*)

Incidentally, the picture came from Jaden Smith’s WhoSay account, accompanied by the caption “#afterearthswag.” Now, I know Chet Haze would probably disagree with me on this, but I’m of the opinion that kids born into millions of dollars shouldn’t use the word “swag.” Having self-confidence isn’t much of an achievement when you’ve inherited an army of people whose job it is to kiss your ass. What you’re thinking of is “brag.”

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Manny was hurt and disappointed when he found out he'd missed funny hat day.

It had been threatened before, but today it’s official: America’s most obnoxiously over-processed father-son duo, Will and Jaden Smith, are teaming up with America’s least-favorite filmmaker, Manny Shyamalan, to make a movie that might finally inspire the populace to rise up en masse and storm Hollywood with torches and pitchforks.

Sony Pictures Entertainment has signed Will Smith and son Jaden Smith to star in an untitled futuristic science fiction adventure film that will be directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Shymalan wrote the script with Gary Whitta [The Book of Eli], and Overbrook’s James Lassiter, Smith, Ken Stovitz and Jada Pinkett Smith will produce with Shyamalan. Shyamalan talked about the project some last fall when he was promoting The Last Airbender, when the project went under the title One Thousand A.E. Back then, Will Smith was only supposed to produce, but now he’s set to star as well.

The story takes place far in the future where a young boy has to navigate an abandoned planet on a space ship that has crashed. On board is his estranged father. [Deadline]

Whoa, daddy issues?  In an M. Night Shyamalan story?  It sounds crazy, but that’s what it says.  When this starts shooting, I say we kidnap Joaquin Phoenix, shoot him full of angel dust, tell him we’re filming the video for his next rap album, spin him around six times, drop him off at the set, hand him a baseball bat and tell him “swing away.”