I’m sure I’m violating at least six principles of journalism by posting an unverified story submitted by someone I don’t know, but the story’s too good not to share, and I never wanted to be a journalist anyway, as demonstrated by my backwards ball cap and relaxed attitude towards work (*air guitar*). A FilmDrunk reader shared his always-entertaining Gary Busey encounter with me, and now I’m sharing it with you. You’re a big boy/girl, you can decide for yourself whether it’s true.

So, UCLA used to give away free tickets to their first non-conference home game of each year to high school teams. The games were usually awful, and this particular year UCLA happened to be playing Oklahoma State before they became good again.

We were sitting in the stands waiting for kick-off and over the intercom I heard the name Gary Busey. I missed what exactly was going on, but being a big Point Break and Lethal Weapon fan my attention was piqued. It turns out his alma mater is Oklahoma State and he was an honorary captain or something of that ilk.

Whatever the case was they let Busey onto the field during the game. At one point, I went to go get some food at the same concession stand as Busey. He was wearing a bowling shirt, black pants, and what I think were painted bowling shoes. [FYI, Matt Ufford's Gary Busey encounter also mentioned painted shoes -Ed.] While he was ordering I could hear him starting to tell a story to a very uninterested cashier.

Read the rest of this entry »

I like to think that when people bring up Twilight to this author, she’s like “Twi-what? I’m sorry, I’ve never heard of this work.” From the Amazon description: When Tobias Richard Vandevelde wakes up in a hospital with no memory of the night before, his horrified mother tells him that he was found unconscious. At Featherdale Wildlife Park. In a dingo pen. [Amazon - thanks, Fek]

MORNING LINKS
One Brave Blogger Has Finally Discovered The ‘Average Porn Star’ |Film Drunk|

Frotcast 141: Leslie Small and Laremy Legel |Frotcast|

Nightmare Fuel. [via Fck Yeah Dementia]

Attention Hollywood: Here Are Twenty (Mostly) Terrible TV Pitches |UPROXX|

‘SNL’ Recap: Kevin Hart And Macklemore & Ryan Lewis |Warming Glow|

Meet The Perfect Sports Companion: A Dog That Fetches Bottles Of Vodka |With Leather|

Five Games That Are Going To Eat Your March |Gamma Squad|

“Scientifically accurate Spider-Man,” from ADHD. |YouTube|

KSK Mock Draft: New Combine Events |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Please nobody tell these girls how their clothes are supposed to work |theChive|

17 Overly Optimistic Book Titles |Mental Floss|

Shut Up And Watch Wonder Woman Fight Nazis |The Superficial|

10 Things Hal on Malcolm in the Middle Did That Walter White Never Would |Vulture|

The Ultimate Goat Mega Mix |Holy Taco|

The Best Gangster Movies Like Snatch You’ve Never Seen |Screen Junkies|

Vanessa Hudgens And Selena Gomez Aren’t Sexual Innuendos At All |IDLYITW|

Conan O’Brien Takes The U.S. Citizenship Test |Clip Nation|

The 9 Greatest Sexless Sex Scenes |NextMovie|

Watch 20 Minutes Of Deleted Scenes From ‘The Master’ |Film.com|

Tom Hardy Once Again Proves That He’s More Man Than You Will Ever Be |Pajiba|

Two Toddlers Rock Out to Korn in Their Car Seats, Which Is Way Too Awesome to Comprehend |Brobible|

Natalie Portman For Miss Dior |High Definite|

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I don’t know what TheBuseyZone is, or how they got this video uploaded to YouTube in September and it’s barely gotten 1,000 views since then, but whoever they are, I look forward to more videos like this one, in which Gary Busey, wearing a hat two-sizes too small that says “NFL,” a denim shirt, and those huge sunglasses old people wear, offers up some of his personal opinions about hobbits. I realize that at this point Gary Busey has clearly realized that his main value to society is in constantly saying crazy things and has played to it accordingly, but I don’t care. Even when it’s totally contrived, there’s a magical craziness that Gary Busey brings to acting crazy that no one could ever fully imitate.

I’ve transcribed his thoughts on hobbits here because I think they deserve to be committed to the written record.

Middle Earth. It’s a land that’s great to visit but you have to know how to get out. One you’ve broken the barrier and crossed the line to Hobbit land. Little hobbits with the pointed ears, not very big, wide underwear but very short, because their legs aren’t long. I don’t know what their male or female apparatuses are like, but you know it’s gotta be working in some way because little hobbits, comin from birth (?). Imagine havin a team of hobbits come with you to clean cockroaches out of a house. They’d be gone in thirty minutes. Those hobbits like to use cockroaches for games. They like to make necklaces out of them. They like to put hairpieces made of out cockroaches – dead – on their head, that way they feel like they’re giving to nature.

Hobbits are special. They can see and hear things we can’t here. Because Middle Earth has a different kind of SPZZZZT spiritual and physical and emotional energy going through it. So the hobbits got one up on us on that. Dog gone hobbits, they’re so cute! Can’t tell the boys from the girls, which must make it exciting for them. You know, just finding out what that apparitus (?) says. Girl or boy. And they travel in packs of four. Because you never know what a hobbit’s going to do, and you know he isn’t going to do it by himself. So he’s got three guys to help him. That’s why they always get things done quickly and effeciently and to a T. They make a point without making it. Because that’s what a hobbit does. If you people out there have had past life regressions and feel like you might have been a hobbit, let me know it! And we’ll speak about hobbitism.

I like that Gary Busey suggests “imagine if hobbits came with you to clean cockroaches out of a house,” as if “cleaning cockroaches out of a house” is a normal thing that many people do. I like to imagine that Gary Busey thinks the way to get cockroaches out of a house is to walk through the house trapping them one by one like Rambo and bellowing a catch phrase after each one.

[hat tip: GorillaMask]

This baby demands Gary Busey for Christmas. [via Videogum]

MORNING LINKS
SUPERCUT: The Year’s Worst Movies Review Themselves |Film Drunk|

The Biggest, Most Incredible, Unbelievable, Shouted About Sports Moments Of 2012 |With Leather|

James Cameron helping Sigourney Weaver get into character. [via Fck Yeah Dementia]

15 Famous Songs You Might Be Surprised To Learn Were Banned On The Radio |UPROXX|

The 12 Other Albums You Should’ve Listened to This Year |Smoking Section|

A Definitive Gallery Of The NFL Network’s Biggest Loudmouth, Warren Sapp |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Birthday Suits FTW: Television Actresses You Were Likely To See Naked in 2012 |Warming Glow|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

Animals that don’t suck |theChive|

The 15 Best Late Night Guests Of 2012 |HuffPost Comedy|

The 50 Greatest Internet Memes of 2012 |Ranker|

8 Incredible Pictures Of An Escalator Being Hoisted To The Top Of The World Trade Center |Buzzfeed|

This Year in Unnecessary Censorship |Clip Nation|

What Kevin McCallister’s Awful Family Is Doing Now |Mental Floss|

Michael Caine’s commentary on Muppet Christmas Carol |Screen Junkies|

11 Alternatives to Mistletoe |College Humor|

Lindsay Clogged All The Toilets On The Set Of “Scary Movie 5″ |IDLYITW|

The Ten Best Movie Trailers of 2012 |Unreality|

The 25 Best Things About Krampus |Holy Taco|

The 11 Best Dramatic Episodes of 2012 |Pajiba|

And Now Miley Cyrus Grabbing The Ass of The ‘Big Booty Ho’ Stripper She Asked For For Her Birthday
|The Superficial|

5 Amazing Obama Pics You May Have Missed in 2012 |Hypervocal|

10 Worst Pop Songs Of 2012 |Smosh|

Why your brain needs bacon |Fark|

Top 10 Champagne Facials in Slow-Motion |Brobible|

Fruit Ninja IRL |High Definite|

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Gary Busey stars as Gary Busey in: The Gary Busey Story. One shaman’s journey from Oscar nominee to Airport Indian.

“Outta the way, Butthorn! I don’t get this ostrich back to the zoo by sundown, the mayor’s gonna have my hide!”

[all credit to TheSuperficial for the picture and Burnsy for the headline]