Valentine’s Day.  Man.  This trailer.  I’m going to cover this in bullet-point form to keep me from using real ones:

• Voice over from Ashton Kutcher
• Black Eyed Peas song (We’re goin out!  Let’s live it up!  This movie sucks!  Mazel tov!)
• Horny old people
• Well-dressed little kid in love
• A guy named Taylor kissing a girl named Taylor
• McDreamy
• Jessica Alba blonde
• Anne Hathway kissing Topher Grace
• “A day in the life of love.”

Hey, Valentine’s Day, let’s never hang out.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Valentine’s Day trailer starts with that new Black Eyed Peas song and quickly transitions to a scene in which Anne Hathaway’s character refers to the crazy sex she just had with TOPHER GRACE.  “Last night was amazing.  Did I hurt you?  I used to be a gymnast.”    Wow.  You guys are really trying to make me vomit, aren’t you?  How dare you degrade my girlfriend like that.  Did you know Topher Grace used to be in an a capella group back in high school?  The Pussies, I think they were called.

On September 17th, watch the famous peoples’ lives intersect in horribly saccharine, unrealistic ways! Oh hey look, another boy in elementary school who’s in love!  They should take a picture of him holding a red rose bouquet, then make all of it black and white except for the roses, and then I’ll frame it and hang it on my wall when I get to community college.  God I want to curb stomp this movie.

Read the rest of this entry »