Did you think I’d forgotten about This Week in Posters this week? No such luck, punks! We’re back, with the latest in indies, Jason Statham, Vince Vaughn, Fake Vince Vaughn, and the latest trend in posters: stripes!

Afternoon Delight: Penis! Vagina! Bukkake double team! No wait! Two chicks going ass to ass with a tranny! Hold on, is this not a Rorschach? Anyway, I’m hoping this has lots of sex. But knowing Sundance, it’ll probably just be a sad French lady with a giant muff who smokes lots of cigarettes.

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I’ll admit that for a second my heart skipped a beat when I saw the alert for a trailer to the film Gambit, as I said a quick prayer to my monkey gods for a film that could help me forget Taylor Kitsch’s portrayal of the Cajun X-Man in the lackluster Wolverine. Sadly, this is not that Gambit, but a remake of the 1966 Michael Caine art heist film. Fortunately, in this era of lazy remakes, the Coen Brothers have penned the script, and the presence of Colin Firth and Alan Rickman certainly can’t hurt.

So what’s this caper film all about? Here’s the synopsis of the original:

Cockney cat burglar Harry Dean needs Hong Kong dancer Nicole Chang’s help to pull off the perfect heist. With a simple makeover and a new wardrobe; Nicole’s resemblance to wealthy recluse Mr. Shahbandar’s late wife is uncanny. While Shahbandar is distracted by the mesmerizing Nicole, Harry takes steps to swipe a priceless artifact from under the tycoon’s nose. But even the most foolproof schemes have a way of backfiring…

Ah, the 60s. When Shirley MacLaine could play “Nicole Chang” and nobody even bothered to second guess it. What a time that must have been.

As for the new version, this time it’s Firth playing Harry Dean, as he bumbles and fumbles his way through a plan to rip off his a-hole boss, played by Rickman, with the help of Cameron Diaz as a cartoon character from Texas. I’ll be shocked if Diaz doesn’t grow a long red mustache by the film’s end and run around shouting, “WHAT IN TARNATION!” as she shoots her finger guns in the air.

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Well, folks, it’s a month before October, and you know what that means: horror season! Expect lots of boring horror movie posters this week – you know, creepy kids, blood spatter, haunted houses. But that’s not all. Of course we’ve got new Hobbit stuff, Peter Jackson probably keeps a journal about the color and texture of dump he took that morning. Partly because he’s just that self-indulgent these days, partly because New Zealand is just that boring.

I like to think that in this shot (of the Elven King/cult prophet Elrond Hubbard) Hugo Weaving is looking down at his script thinking, “Fuuuuuu…. I signed on for two more years of this sh*t? Christ, man, I’m not an elf that lives for 500 years, I’ve got some other stuff I’d like to do before I die.”

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The Coen Brothers are currently writing a remake of Gambit, which is sadly not another X-Men spinoff, but a remake of a 1966 Michael Caine/Shirley McClaine film set to be directed by The Last Station‘s Michael Hoffman.  The last time the Coens wrote a movie they didn’t direct was 1985′s Crimewave for Sam Raimi (unless you count Ethan’s co-writing credit on The Naked Man, about a wrestling chiropractor played by Michael Rapaport.

Aaaanyway, Gambit is set to star Colin Firth, and now, Deadline reports, Cameron Diaz has hopped aboard.

Firth plays a London art curator who plans to con a wealthy collector into buying a phony Monet painting. He enlists a Texas steer roper (Diaz) to pose as a woman whose grandfather liberated the painting at the end of WWII. [Deadline]

Normally I don’t find Cameron Diaz’ acting terribly distracting, and since it’s quite possible that I too will be old one day (the jury’s still out, really), it doesn’t feel right to rip on her for being old.  However, I will say that there comes a time when you probably shouldn’t be playing the fresh-faced new secretary anymore, and that time is right around your 37th birthday.  I don’t know if that means she should be playing a Texas steer roper, but at least she isn’t playing a “precocious young steer roper.”   She doesn’t seem very country, but compared to Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz is Richard Petty.

Sidenote: If you turn off the lights and say those three names three times into a mirror, a demon will spit tobacco juice in your latte.

Macgruber has two new trailers. I didn’t feel like posting them today because I’ve already posted like eight of these, and the new one is a PG version.  Which means they refer to Val Kilmer’s character, Dieter von Cunth, as “He goes by the name Dieter.”  Are we that puritanical that we can’t even say “Cunth”?  I know  people whose actual last names are “Kuntz” and “Slutsky”.  Crap, now I’m too busy giggling to remember what my point was. |ComingSoon|

Doug Liman may direct a Gambit movie based on a Coen Brothers’ script.  The script is a remake of a 1966 film in which Caine “played a cat burglar who tries to rob a billionaire of his priceless statue and enlists the help of a waitress who is a dead ringer for the victim’s late wife.”  Wait, what?  No exploding playing cards based on the comic-book character?  Pass.  Doug Liman was also listed as an executive producer on the Knight Rider TV remake, proving that no one in Hollywood ever fails at anything badly enough to get fired.|Deadline|

Ang Lee will direct Life of Pi IN 3D!  A good chunk of the book is kind of like Castaway, but with an Indian boy stuck on a life boat with a zebra, a hyena, and a tiger.  So, uh… good luck with that. |IndieWire|

Sharlto Copley says the District 9 sequel shoots in two years.  “There’s a million ways you can go. Neil’s actually very interested in prequels as well.  Neil wants it and I want it. Neil’s doing another film first. Then I think if everything goes according to plan we’ll do the second film in about two years time. That story can go in so many different ways. There’s a whole universe. I’m sure a lot of writers say that, but we actually have an entire universe.”  Do you?  As much as everyone throws that around, does anyone actually know what the f*ck that even means?  Whatever, dude.  Just explode some more prawns and everything’s cool.  |Empire|