(This is neither here nor there, I just thought it was kind of cute. Makes a good dentist office poster.)

You know the drill folks, none of these stories are getting their own post.  Instead it’s the FilmDrunk Fart Lightning Round.

Jason Segel will star in the Muppet movie he wrote with Nick Stoller. “The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time, as it’s now known, centers on a man, his girlfriend, and the man’s life-long, brown puppet best friend who aim to reunite the old Muppets gang and band together to save the TV studio where the original show was shot.“   Set to be directed by James Bobin, sources say it will be different from previous Muppet movies in that all the humor will be derived from Jason Segel’s bare penis. |THR, ThePlaylist|

Fandango is going paperless. Now, instead of printing out your ticket, you can just have the ticket-guy scan the bar code directly off that thing you plan to text on the whole f*cking movie.  And if someone tells you to stop, just have your friends stab them with a meat thermometer, this is America. |TechCrunch|

Dakota Goyo will play the kid in Real Steel, the robot boxing movie.  Surprise, he’s a fruity-looking hair farmer.  If he and Dakota Fanning got married, she’d be Dakota Goyo.  And he’d still look like a lesbian.  Haha, I love you, cruel teasing of innocent children. |THR|

Gabourey Sidibe is getting pulled in opposite directions, by the “National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance” (NAAFA) who want to use her as an example that “heavy people aren’t necessarily unhealthy”, and by weight loss groups who want to help her fight the obesity epidemic.  It’s sad, she really reminds me of this girl I knew in high school who had AIDS and two babies and couldn’t read. |TMZ, TMZ|

(I stole that last joke from @jdoubledecker’s live tweet of Precious. His fellow live tweefer @joekingispretty has a show tonight at the Irvine Improv)

Aw, this is like those Slumdog kids all over again.  It turns out that despite her daughter’s Oscar nomination, Gabourey Sidibe’s poor mom still has to sing in the subway for spare change like a common hobo.

Alice Tan Ridley shows up three times a week at New York’s busiest subway stations to wow commuters with her electrifying R&B act. “My name is not on Gabby’s paycheck,” the good-natured Ridley told The Post yesterday.  Ridley, a former nursery-school teacher and Department of Education teacher’s aide, has been belting out tunes in the subway for 18 years. “For a while, I was teaching and doing the singing, burning the candle at both ends to support my family,” Ridley said.

Until… she became bedridden and couldn’t work?  Got fired for refusing the advances of a superior?  Racism?

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