‘GI Joe: Retaliation’ Has A New Trailer With Convenient Use Of Channing Tatum

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.02.12

“Aight, so I’mma die now, son.”

The other day I was passing time between power squat sets by watching the last season of Workaholics, and I completely forgot that in the episode that Anders’ dad comes to visit, the lovable f*cked up trio has tickets to go see GI Joe: Retaliation. That didn’t make sense, of course, because Paramount pushed the film back from the summer to next year, because the film needed some re-shoots. Oh, and also because people were hella pissed that Channing Tatum dies in the beginning. Not cool, Paramount.

Now that the re-shoots are over – remember, we gave you the exclusive first storyboard – it’s safe to assume that Paramount and director Jon Chu did everything possible to make it look like C-Tates doesn’t actually die, because – and this is just pure speculation – they’ll probably pay him a metric ass ton of cash to star in GI Joe: Duke Sav3s Da Rec C3nta. And that prediction makes sense, because C-Tates has already proven that he’s an A-lister with three films earning north of $100 million each this year, so natural progression would suggest that he’s in line for a $20 million payday.

But I’m twerkin’ way ahead of myself this morning. The point is that GI Joe: Retaliation has a new international trailer, and Paramount absolutely made it look like C-Tates maybe possibly doesn’t die.

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G.I. JOE 2 HAPPENING, ZOMBIELAND WRITERS AGAIN

Written by Vince Mancini / 01.08.10

gijoe-bluecamo

Paramount is making G.I. Joe 2, and it looks like the Zombieland writers have picked up another scripting gig.  They’re apparently writing every movie this year, like the screenwriting equivalent of Sam Worthington. A couple days ago, Collider confirmed that Paramount would be making the sequel, today an IESB source says Zombieland writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick have been hired.  Stephen Sommers hasn’t yet signed on to return as director.

I never saw G.I. Joe, and though plenty of people claim it wasn’t as bad as it looked, this clip was more than enough reason for me to avoid it.   The writing doesn’t seem so hard though.  Let’s take a crack:

CHANNING TATUM: (*unintelligible mumbling*) Ermf.  Hey, girl.

MARLON WAYANS steps on a rake. *Splat sound effect*

CHANNING TATUM: Ho snap!

CHANNING TATUM and RACHEL NICHOLS laugh as they watch MARLON WAYANS stumble around trying to uncross his eyes.

RACHEL NICHOLS:  Enough fooling around, boys.  I need to go for a jog.  I’m a scientist.  *pours water in her hair, takes off her shirt*

[10-minute montage of RACHEL NICHOLS' boobs bouncing in a sports bra, set to the latest Linkin Park single]

MARLON WAYANS: (slobbering like a dog) Yo, girl, when you gonna let me get witchoo?

RACHEL NICHOLS: I don’t believe in love. I’m a scientist. *flips her hair, sucks on lollipop*

MARLON WAYANS: Yo, that is wack!  *gets hit in the crotch by an eagle*

CHANNING TATUM: (*unintelligible mumbling*) Ermf.  Hey, girl.

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