The poster for Jerry Bruckheimer’s Prince of Persia will appear inside Jerry Bruckheimer’s Confessions of a Shopaholic as background ads in Time Square, alongside ads for Jerry Bruckheimer’s G-Force, Jerry Bruckheimer brand colostomy bags and Jerry Bruckheimer douche nozzles.  Okay, I may have made up those last two.

“It’s funny because I was watching the movie and we had ads for other films and I said, ‘Why don’t we put our own movies in here.’ It’s kind of silly to promote someone else’s movies.” [LatinoReview]

Touché, Jerry, touché. Bruckheimer went on to say:

* Prince of Persia (adapted from the video game) will definitely have parkour (seriously)
* He’s making a third National Treasure,
* He’s excited about The Sorcerer’s Apprentice with Jay Baruchel and Nic Cage
* Johnny Depp will play Tonto in a Lone Ranger movie, which will definitely have “a supernatural element to it”
* G-Force will be about talking guinea pigs but will have “something for everybody”

The interviewer was about to ask him about Pirates IV, when a slimy, morey eel-like creature sprang from Bruckheimer’s mouth and devoured the interviewer whole.  He vomited up a puddle of foul-smelling black sludge before heading to a script meeting for CSI: Miami.

I’m not sure what the best part of the new trailer (video below) for Suckheimer’s G-Force is.  Is it Nic Cage voicing the star-nosed mole, but doing a funny voice that’s hardly recognizable as Nic Cage the whole time?  Is it Penelope Cruz as the sexy martial arts guinea pig, slinking around to the tune of “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me”?  I’m interested to see where that plot line goes.  Like, will she be breaking into the enemy compound acting all sexy, and the henchmen will be all distracted because they’re too busy thinking Holy crap, look at that sexy f-cking guinea pig.  I know it’s my job to shoot guinea pigs on sight, but I have to have me some of that hot rodent pussy. And then when the guy pops a huge boner, she karate chops him unconscious?  Because I think they already made that movie.  In Japan.  *gong sound*
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Jerry Bruckheimer might be the most brilliant moron in the world, and his next project is… wait for it …a 3-D live-action picture about CGI guinea pigs who defend the Earth against a diabolical billionaire and his army of robots.  USA Today has these new pictures (a couple more over there) and quotes from the masturmind himself.

The G-Force team has all the good gadgets, like guinea-pig-sized jet skis that dive underwater.  “They’re little James Bonds,” says Bruckheimer.

Darwin is a rodent, so he’s naturally good at sneaking around, but his team is under pressure to get this mission right.  “They have to prove their worth,” says Bruckheimer.

The idea of guinea pig superheroes came from director Hoyt Yeatman’s son, Bruckheimer says.  But, he admits, “I fell in love with them.”

Well sure, but do they rap?  If the guinea pigs don’t rap I’m not interested.

Nic Cage, Steve Buscemi and Tracy Morgan have signed on to do voice work for Jerry Bruckheimer’s upcoming G-Force.

Bill Nighy and Will Arnett have joined the ranks of the on-screen actors in the live-action/CG film, which marks the directorial debut of Oscar-winning visual effects innovator Hoyt Yeatman.

The story follows a group of ultra-intelligent animal commandoes who work for a government agency trying to prevent an evil billionaire from taking over the world. Cage will play Speckles, a mole; Buscemi will portray Bucky, a hamster; and Morgan will voice Blaster, a guinea pig. Nighy will portray an industrialist, and Arnett will play an FBI agent.  [Reuters]

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m excited for this.  I mean, every time I see a pixar flick I think to myself, “This is great, but couldn’t this be more like National Treasure?” I mean, heartwarming tales of family are cool and all, but let’s give kids what they really want – wild adventure rides about solving the mysteries of the world; all contained in an ancient scroll hidden in Lady Liberty’s tampon.  Ghost stories!  Talking animals!  Glib sidekicks!  That’s what real filmmaking’s all about.  

Tracy Morgan stars in "Somebody Gon’ Get Pregnant!" after the jump.  Favorite line?  "I’m the ooh-chow!"

Hollywood Reporter is reporting (typical, right?) that Zach Galifianakis has signed on to play major parts in two movies.  And really, I’ll take any excuse to post Galifianakis clips; he’s one of the best comedians out there.

For one thing, this YouTube clip was called "Zach G. hopes 4 a better tommorrow w/out Dane Cook".  I like him ’cause he’s… subtle.

In Tom Vaughan’s "[What Happens in Las Vegas...]" for Fox, the actor plays Dave the Bear, an anti-marriage guy who wigs out after his best bud, Jack (Kutcher), marries Joy (Diaz) during a wild, drunken night in Sin City.

In Hoyt Yeatman’s "G-Force," for Disney/Jerry Bruckheimer Prods., he stars as the lead government scientist in charge of a guinea pig commando program, helping send the highly trained elite agents on a dangerous mission.

Oh crap, Ashton Kutcher and Jerry Bruckheimer?  Don’t do it, Zach!  Remember, ya dance wit’ Jerry Bruckheima, Jerry Bruckheima don’t change, Jerry Bruckheima changes you.