At Patton Oswalt’s show during Comic-Con this year, he told a story about having been at a past convention with Johnny Depp, who wanted to check out the festivities without getting mobbed.  So Depp had his assistant go to the store and buy the cheapest Jack Sparrow outfit he could find. He put it on and, as he’d predicted, the real Depp was able to blend right in while photographers mobbed the guys who’d probably spent a thousand hours hand crafting the most authentic, period-appropriate Sparrow costumes.

I say this as an elaborate way to tell you that Johnny Depp dressed up in full Sparrow regalia to suprise a 9-year-old British girl at her school this week.  Why?  Because she wrote him a cute letter, of course.

The star is currently in south-east London filming the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean movie On Stranger Tides and arrived at the Meridian Primary School dressed in full character as Captain Jack Sparrow.
He made the one-off trip after nine-year-old pupil Beatrice Delap wrote to the star asking for help staging a ‘mutiny’ against the teachers.
The school was told just ten minutes before that Depp would be arriving and two blacked-out cars swept through the school gates.
Beatrice revealed what she had written in the letter to the star – or rather his salty seadog alter ego.
She said: ‘Captain Jack Sparrow, At Meridian Primary School, we are a bunch of budding young pirates.  Normally we’re a right handful, but we’re having a bit of trouble mutiny-ing against the teachers! We’d love if you could come and help.
‘Beatrice Delap, aged nine, a budding pirate.’

She said that she was then asked by the star to make herself known from the assembled pupils once he arrived, and gave her a cuddle.  Beatrice marvelled: ‘He gave me a hug and he said, “Maybe we shouldn’t mutiny today ‘cos there are police outside monitoring me.”‘ [DailyMail via Gunaxin]

Christ, in my head I read that letter in an adorable 9-year-old British girl accent and it was like getting snuggled by a thousand corgi puppies.  That was so cute I think I puked glitter.

If a nine-year-old American kid tried this, it’d probably just be an outline of his hand with some ranch dressing spilled on it.

This one’s called “Fuzzy Fuzzy Cute Cute,” and it comes from the same guy as “Hamster on a Piano” and “Cat Flushing a Toilet.”  I don’t know how it took me so long to figure this out, but they’re all written by Parry Gripp, the guy from Nerf Herder – a band whose songs include “Fight for Your Right to Masturbate” and “I’ve Got a Boner for Christmas”, and who I’ve been listening to way longer than any of you, you f*ckin poseurs.

Pac Man in real life. I like how they keep splicing in footage from the video game, in case you didn’t get the reference. [CollegeHumor]

Bruno gets an R rating.  See you idiots?  Didn’t Nikki Finke tell you this would happen all along? From now on, just shut up and listen to what she says, she’s the smartest person in the world, you know.  [NikkeFinke]

The Ultimate Butter Face Test.  I think I’ve played this before.  To pass it, you have to drink four beers. [HolyTaco]

New Harry Potter trailer.  I would’ve posted it here, but I’m sick of summarizing the plot. [ScreenJunkies]

Teaser Trailer for $quid.  The main character owes money to a giant squid, you see. [QuietEarth]

New set pic from The Rum Diary. [LiveforFilm]

Official 500 Days of Summer poster.  Tons of pictures of Zooey Deschanel – not a bad strategy.  Way to steal my Trapper Keeper’s shtick, by the way. [below, via FirstShowing]