When it was announced that Billy Crystal would host the Oscars after Brett Ratner got fired for calling everyone a fag and Eddie Murphy went with him, the world responded with a resounding “meh.” It was as if they’d already skipped to the fourth step of Billy Crystal: acceptance. But the Oscar producers couldn’t have people not excited about the Oscars. That just wouldn’t do! So the lead producer called a special meeting in his war room deep in the bowels of show business headquarters. He looked his flunkies in the face. No one had any ideas! That’s when he took a long drag on his electronic cigarette and said purposefully, “…Bring me Duhamel.”

The awed flunkies muttered in unison, “You mean… The Charismanator.”

The chief hit a giant red button on his desk, and that’s when this video was made.

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Finally, a biopic about one man’s quest to win an Oscar for starring in biopics.

MORNING LINKS
A Golden Treasury Of Awkward/Weird/Awesome Family Holiday Photos |UPROXX|

The 10 Funniest TV Episodes of 2011 |Warming Glow|

American Psycho Updated for 2011 |Film Drunk|

Meet Japan’s hottest boy band, SEXYZONE. |buzzfeed|

READ MY STORY ABOUT VIN DIESEL GOING TO THE DMV! |TheseFriesAreGood|

Cheerleading In The Dark: The Sights And Sounds Of The MNF Power Outage |With Leather|

The Best Fails Of 2011 |Buzzfeed|

Videogum exhaustively compiles the best viral videos of 2011. |Videogum|

Kim Kardashian only went to Haiti for a fashion show. |TheSuperficial|

19 outstanding words you should be working into conversation. |MentalFloss|

Alyssa Jerry likes showing off her butt. |GorillaMask|

Conan introduces the Menorah human centipede. |TheDailyWhat|

Here is a video of a monkey scrubbing dishes. |DAPSwebsite|

Best Movie Dogs of 2011: From Uggie to Skeletor, the Top 11 Canine Co-Stars of ’11 |Moviefone|

The 10 Best SNL Sketches of 2011 |Pajiba|

Seven Movie Trailers for 2012 That Look Promising |Unreality|

How To Catch A White Person |NextRound|

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Katherine Heigl recently starred in a Funny or Die video (which you can watch below – spoiler alert, it’s “die”) and contributed her time to a new charity campaign by the Jason Heigl Foundation* called “I Hate Balls.” Of course it’s about neutering your pets, what were you thinking?

The multi-media initiative kicks off with the launch of a new website IHateBalls.com, that features an original Public Service Announcement starring Katherine Heigl and produced by Funny or Die.
The video also sets the tone for the campaign – a funny take on a very serious issue – and features not only Katherine Heigl and some four-legged friends, but a cameo by her husband, musician Josh Kelley. At the witty IHateBalls.com web site which hosts the video, visitors are offered a number of opportunities to support the campaign, promote the message, raise awareness and get involved.
Heigl explained, “Launching this campaign is hopefully the type of out-of-the-box thinking we need to heighten awareness of the devastating problem and sound the alarm that we can save many lives by simply spaying/neutering pets. Hate balls, fix pets, save lives. It’s just that simple.” [jasonheiglfoundation]

Now, let me preface this by saying that promoting the spaying and neutering of pets is completely valid issue, and in the long run, by far the best way to keep innocent little puppies and sad Sarah McClachlan dogs from getting needlessly gassed. It’s a good thing. But when you already have a reputation as a humorless shrew, hey, maybe a hilarious campaign called “I Hate Balls” isn’t the best thing for you.

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This video of Don Cheadle playing a sociopathic, unhinged version of Captain Planet is easily the best thing I’ve seen from Funny or Die in months, for reasons not the least of which being that they made the ‘Heart’ ring guy borderline retarded, just like I always imagined him. Just like the ‘Culture’ guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Jesus, remember when that was the biggest thing around?).

But while we’re enjoying this, let’s not forget that they’re actually making a Captain Planet movie.

“The messages of Captain Planet are even more relevant today,” said Snyder. “We feel this team can bring the world’s first eco-hero to life in a powerful motion picture that is not only pertinent but entertaining.”
“We are extremely excited about bringing the good Captain back to life,” said Murphy. “His adventures are known worldwide and he is recognized across generations.”

Oh I remember Captain Planet, alright. I also remember girls in painted overalls, the AIDS scare, and Richard Grieco. But if you saw Avatar and thought, “You know what this could use? Less nuance.” Then I’m sure this is the film for you.

That said, if it has Don Cheadle calling people “dickhole,” I’m there.

A: Yes.

Oh come on, like you even had to ask. In this video (to promote Our Idiot Brother), our favorite former Bat Mitsvah DJ (tough luck, Michael Rapaport) pitches Harvey Weinstein on a few ideas he has to shake up the movie biz. (“You know how trailers are usually at the beginning of movies? What if we put ours right in the middle.”). It’s not that they’re the best jokes I’ve ever heard, but Paul Rudd, he’s so damned likable. He’s so charming that just being in the same room makes Harvey Weinstein seem downright decent, and that guy’s like the Jewish Darth Vader. Heck, I haven’t seen Harvey Weinstein this likable since he tried to whack Troy Duffy.

What’s that? You don’t like Paul Rudd? Well in that case, I’ve got something for you:

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