Pic via PacificCoastNews.com

Despite looking like a wiry speed freak who drinks hair gel and snorts embalming fluid, Brian Grazer is one of the biggest-name producers in town, and normally the type of guy who lets his movies do the talking. But today it’s starting to make a lot more sense that he hangs around with Brett Ratner.

Sidenote: Is this the best TMZ headline of all time?

‘Apollo 13′ Producer Brian Grazer — Fatass Man-Nanny Made My Kids Racist
Legendary producer Brian Grazer wants to strip his ex-wife of nanny-hiring powers — claiming the last “manny” she hired was a fat slob who turned their kids into little racists.
Grazer — who divorced his wife Gigi back in 2009 — filed the declaration in new legal docs, claiming the 20-something-year-old man she hired to look after their sons (aged 9 and 13) was the worst possible influence imaginable.
According to the docs, the manny in question was terribly educated, disrespectful toward Grazer and others, used extremely foul language and was also a racist.
Grazer says the manny resigned a few weeks ago, but Grazer still believes the bad habits have rubbed off on his kids.  The legal docs do not give specifics about the offensive things the manny and the kids said.
Grazer — who pays Gigi $40,000 a month in child support — also wants more visitation.

I was going to make fun of him for expecting his nanny to be educated, but for $40K a month you could hire a Harvard Professor. What do they play with in the tub, yachts?

Brian Grazer looks like exactly the kind of guy who would marry someone named “Gigi.”

Here it is, your headline of the day:

God bless the New York Post, doing the Lord’s work as always. The “EXCLUSIVE” is as funny as anything else. (*30s newscaster voice*) Doot doo doot dootoot doo doot… This just in! Lindsay Lohan dodges a burlap sack full of truck nutz hurled at the starlet by an obsessed fan! Back to you, Johnny!

Zac Efron was mortified to be caught hanging out at “Fantasy World” sex shop in NYC yesterday – even though he was just filming scenes for his new movie, “Are We Officially Dating.”

Jesus Christ, we already did “Friends with Benefits” and “No Strings Attached” THE SAME YEAR. How many different ways do we need to say “these two white people are f*cking”?

When he realized a photographer had caught a picture of him surrounded by an array of glowing dildos, Efron immediately halted shooting and rushed out to chase down the pap.

Interesting that they refer to a group of dildos as an “array.” Not a herd, a school, a murder, a gaggle, an armada? A quiver of dildos, perhaps? I like to pack my dildos like a medieval archer. Saves space.

“Zac was begging the guy to delete the pictures,” an eyewitness tells Page Six exclusively. “He kept telling him that he has so many young fans and he didn’t want them to see it.” The photog refused, so his reps were quick to publicize the news that it was simply a scene for the upcoming romantic comedy.

“Oh God, a grease fire! Quick, throw cognac on it”

But this isn’t the first time Efron has been caught in a similar situation: Back in 2008 he and then-girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens were photographed shopping for a blow-up sheep sex doll in Los Angeles. [NYPost]

Relevant. We need the Post for important trivia tidbits like that. And, to go with the obvious joke, just so I don’t have to read it 10 times in the comments, this doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’d be uncomfortable in a room full of penises:

This is a screencap of an article that came up in my Google Reader this morning. Now I see it every time I close my eyes. The file says it’s a still-image .jpg, but I could swear the eyebrows keep revving at me lasciviously. They’re moving, aren’t they? Are sure this isn’t a .gif file? I think something’s wrong with my computer. I need to talk to our IT guy. And my therapist.

[the article, by the way, comes from this interview with LaBeouf, in which he comes off his usual mix of refreshingly candid and sounding coked out of his face. Sadly, the Hollywood Reporter has since changed their headline. Perhaps partly because it was misspelled.]

[via BoingBoing]

I know I’ve already run my fair share of “BEST HEADLINE EVER” stories, but this legitimately gave me an uncontrollable, 30 to 60-second fit of laughter. I still haven’t showed it to Frotcast Brendan, I worry that it might actually kill him. I’d been saving this up for a Friday Free For All post, and there are some conflicting reports on whether the story is actually true, but regardless, that headline. Magnifique. If the zookeeper had just been licking a monkey’s anus, that would’ve been one thing. But the idea that he was licking it “for over an hour” is really what puts it over the top for me. The visual of a kindly old Chinese man carefully, lovingly licking a monkey anus for the entirety of a Game of Thrones episode… It’s perfect.

Meanwhile, the source article includes a picture of the zookeeper:

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Not only is this headline amazing, in the picture it looks like old sweater vest is holding a couple of dicks.

MORNING LINKS
Alison Brie And Danny Pudi Perform ‘Everybody Dance Now’ To Close Out ‘Community’ Season 3 Filming |UPROXX|

5 Things Tim Schafer Needs to do To Make His Fan-Funded Adventure Game Truly Great|Gamma Squad|

Frotcast 87: Porn’s Seymore Butts answers your questions, plus, Penn Jillette calls Lindy a c*nt. |Film Drunk|

Chris Brown Vs. Seagulls|Buzzfeed|

Most Slaughterful Metalocalypse|Adult Swim|

TMZ asks the question of our time. Emma Stone or Rooney Mara who would you rather?|FARK|

Hipster Cat Is the Only Dubstep DJ You’ll Ever Need|The FW|

Chris Brown sings about banging her on her new song. |TheSuperficial|

Catsterpiece Classic presents: Downton Tabby. |TheDailyWhat|

7 Movies that would make horrible musicals. |HolyTaco|

10 amazing letters from presidents. |MentalFloss|

Old guy challenge! Who has the talent? |Videogum|

Avengers Artistically Assemble|Unreality|

7 Surprisingly insensitive political ads. |ScreenJunkies|

Wall Street playaz are America’s hottest new financial rap group. |DAPS|

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