This is the trailer for Man on Wire, currently making the festival rounds in the US and opening August 1st in the land of bad teeth and gravy.

On August 7th 1974, a young Frenchman named Philippe Petit stepped out on a wire illegally rigged between New York’s twin towers, then the world’s tallest buildings. After nearly an hour dancing on the wire, he was arrested, taken for psychological evaluation, and brought to jail before he was finally released.

Following six and a half years of dreaming of the towers, Petit spent eight months in New York City planning the execution of the coup. Aided by a team of friends and accomplices, Petit was faced with numerous extraordinary challenges: he had to find a way to bypass the WTC’s security; smuggle the heavy steel cable and rigging equipment into the towers; pass the wire between the two rooftops; anchor the wire and tension it to withstand the winds and the swaying of the buildings. The rigging was done by night in complete secrecy. At 7:15 AM, Philippe took his first step on the high wire 1,350 feet above the sidewalks of Manhattan…

This looks pretty cool, and obviously this dude had brass ones, even if he is French.  Still, you can spare us the “If you can dream big you can accomplish anything!” lecture.  The fun of watching your stunts is trying not to acknowledge the part of our brain that wants to watch you die. 

After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for The Tale of Despereaux, an animated film from Universal.  Normally I’d say no one but Pixar should be allowed to make animated movies, but after watching this… My position hasn’t changed.

Starring the voice of Matthew Broderick, the movie tells the story of Despereaux, a mouse who is French, because the law of movie clichés says all mice are French.  Despereaux isn’t like other mice, because he’s not afraid of people.  Like many children’s stories, this would have us believe that animals are intelligent, sensitive beings capable of speech and wearing clothes, and the only reason we don’t know is because they’re taught to fear us.  It’s the kind of thing that’s a real downer if you’re stoned and you just squashed the fuck out of a spider. 

^{WATCH THE TRAILER FOR PINK PANTHER 2 AFTER THE JUMP}

Steve Martin is back as Inspector Cloiseau in the Pink Panther 2, opening in February. The director on the project is Harald Zwart, and you’d think with a name like Harold’s Wart he’d have gotten teased a lot growing up, but he’s Dutch, and in that language even the words for "inoperable penis cancer" sound so silly you can’t help but giggle.

In related news, "The Pink Panther" is my UFC nickname.  Rawr, don’t cross my path!

This is the trailer for the French film Water Lilies, from Koch Lorber films (which I’m pretty sure is German for "cock lover").

One summer, three fifteen-year-old girls–Marie, Anne and Floriane–share secrets in the girl’s locker room. Desire erupts. They will never be able to forget their first time. [MovieWeb]

I got through about half of this before Chris Hansen showed up at my house.  This time he just sighed and went straight for the mini fridge (that’s where I keep the handy snacks!).  

Dimension has hired the French duo behind Inside to helm a remake of Hellraiser.  Clive Barker will produce the remake of his 1987 film, to be written and directed by Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo. 

The original film revolved around a couple who move into an old house inhabited by the man’s eviscerated half-brother, who escaped hellish torture from the Cenobites but returned shorn of his skin. The Cenobites, who are triggered by a Rubik’s Cube-like puzzle device that unlocks the gates of hell, would like another meeting with the man. [Variety]

You can thank Rob Zombie, who made a bunch of money on Halloween for this.  Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre… has a horror movie remake ever been better than mediocre?  And holy shit, how hard is it to write a new horror movie?  "Run for your lives, everyone, it’s a zombie werewolf vampire ghost with flaming dildo hair!  He died horribly and now he’s come for revenge!"  Then a bunch of people get killed – preferably hot chicks.  Jesus Christ, even Ratner couldn’t screw that up.  It doesn’t take a paint-by-numbers kit to draw stick figures.