"Why yes, Twiki, she can handle a stick. You don't know the half of it."

Praise be to Allah, I don’t know if I could’ve faced tomorrow without the promise that I might someday see a Buck Rogers movie. It’s going to be in 3D and directed by Death Race/Event Horizon/Resident Evil‘s Paul W.S. Anderson (not to be confused with Paul Thomas Anderson — you can tell the difference because one of them makes good movies):

Buck Rogers, the fighter pilot who wakes up in the 25th Century, is being relaunched as a 3D screen hero. Paul WS Anderson has locked a deal to direct a new version of the classic tale of a fighter pilot who quickly acclimates to the future and puts his skills to use defending the planet against invaders.  Iron Man scribes Art Marcum and Matt Holloway will write the screenplay. Anderson is casting for a fall shoot. [Deadline]

You might remember that Frank Miller was once attached to this, but then people actually saw what he‘d do when given a chance to direct a movie. I don’t know about Paul WS Anderson, but I like that they’re doing it 3D, because I imagine a person who still gives a sh*t about Buck Rogers doesn’t have the best eyesight.  Maybe in this version he can fight kids who don’t call and the Orientals.

Here at FilmDrunk, instead of working on the weekends, we suggest you go back and re-read the best posts of the week.  Here they are:

10. Frank Miller’s Charlie Brown. “Schultz City: That Yellow-Shirted Such and Such.”

9. Three words: Turtle Rape Shoe.

8. Chodin reviewed I Love You, Man. I didn’t like it as much as he did (it was very funny, but also painfully conventional), but how could I not post a review that includes the line, “That’s when an invisible hose extends from your theater seat and milks the funny from your anus.”  But… wouldn’t it be shooting funny into your anus?  Your argument is invalid.

7. Chuck Norris decided he wants to run for Prime Magician of Narnia or some crap.

6. This 4 Fast 4 Furious clip will satisfy your appetite for XTREME GEAR SHIFT CLOSEUPS!  OOH WHA-A AA-AA!

5.  I weighed in on Watchmen. I think it’s worth seeing and I don’t even like comic books.  But keep in mind, ladies, the penis is CGI.

4. Awesome clip from Tough Guys Don’t Dance (try telling that to Hugh Jackman).  Oh God Oh Man Oh God Oh Man!

3. It’s revealed that George Lucas wanted Indiana Jones to be a statutory rapist.  “It’s just not interesting after 15.”  Amen, brother.

2. RETARDED FIGHT CLUB! That is all.

1. Trailer for the heartwarming soon-to-be indie drama Charley the Retarded Cat. I’ve watched this probably fifteen times and I still laugh so hard tears roll down my cheeks every time.  Granted, I have problems, but still.

Artists Timothy Lim and Jean-Luc Pham recently created their idea of what a Frank Miller version of Charlie Brown might be like, “Schultz City: That Yellow-Shirted Such and Such.”  Hey, did anyone just get an idea for the Marmaduke movie?  Crap, I shouldn’t have said anything, should I…

Also: It’s unfair that only people who can draw get labeled “artist”.  I mean, look at me, I can hold a feather in my pee hole while I balance on this chair.  Ta da.

[more at DeviantArt, hat tip to Cinematical]

First pictures of Audrey Tatou in Coco avant Chanel.  Have I mentioned how much I love it when they fugify really hot chicks in movies?  No?  Good.  [Empire]

Truthful Ad of the Week: Ross.  I love this ad.  “Just come in and try on stuff in the aisle. Unhappy? Hurl it to the floor like a bag of shit.” [HolyTaco]

Patton Oswalt on why he loves Jason Statham.  My two favorite people in the world in the same blog post — what God did I please?  I guess after years of ripping off Patton he finally decided to return the favor.  Aaand he does it better than me.  Typical.  Key quote? “Statham! Yell it when you’re f-cking!”

Frank Miller’s 20-year tussle with the film industry. “Frank Miller created the Dark Knight, and the template for the brooding superhero. So why did it take 20 years for Hollywood to give the comics genius a film of his own to make?”  Answer: Because he’s an artist, not a director.  Alternate answer: See: The Spirit. [TheIndependent]

9 DVDs to Immediately Regift. In my family we don’t exchange gifts, we just throw shit at each other. I don’t recommend adopting chimps.  [ScreenJunkies]

New Terminator: Salvation action figures may contain spoilers for the movie.  That’s strange, action figures normally only spoil your ability to attract women. [CHUD]

The Porn Site Strip Club.  Frickin’ porn sites, with their popups, and their irrational charges – who needs ‘em!  Oh right, I do.  My mistake. [CollegeHumor]

Matt Smith is the new Dr. Who. Tagline: Exactly. [Filmonic]

See what I did there with the headline?  I put shit in it.

The most accurate assessment of The Spirit I’ve seen yet was from a Variety article about the premiere that dropped the line, “Producer Deborah Del Prete said director Frank Miller would rather draw than tell the actors what he wanted done on set.”  Today, this video’s been going around the blog-o-tubes.  It’s a “for your consideration” trailer for The Spirit, hoping you’ll consider it for the worst film of the year.  The video’s a nice little compilation of all the horrible reviews The Spirit got and a great watch if you like pictures and words.  Meanwhile, I photoshopped Schadenfreude Sloth into this picture of Frank Miller.  It’s been a hectic day, let me tell you.