After the jump I’ve got a brand new featurette from Avatar in HD showing a bunch of new footage, along with a bunch of screencaps I’ve helpfully taken so that you don’t have to watch it. I want to praise this movie, I really do, only I can’t get a word in because everyone involved is too busy praising it themselves. Here are some of the best, totally-not-hyperbolic statements from the video:
“He’s taking you on a journey, and it’s just beyond words.”
“We were creating an entire world from scratch.”
“It just doesn’t have a precedent.”
“One thing I’m always going to take with me from this is that I was a part of a revolutionary experience.” [*puts on Che shirt* Righteous, man, righteous. *smokes clove*]
“We’re always trying to push the envelope. This time we were trying to push the envelope, and it pushed back. And then we pushed harder. And it took a long time.” [Push harder! I think I see the head!]
“It doesn’t look like anything you’ve seen before.” [*cough* Ferngully! *cough, cough* Also - it' amazing that the aliens wear baseball caps and have beads in their hair. I've never seen anything like it.]
“It’s not just a movie, it’s a universe.”
Of course it is. You guys created a whole universe. When you think about it, you’re better than God. Because God’s boring old universe didn’t have neon cat people, did it. Hey, you guys wanna see my impression of everyone involved with Avatar?
Continuing their tradition of making actors do embarrassing stunts for money, Fox has hired Owen Wilson to be the voice of Marmaduke (rest of the cast here). Fox is essentially Hollywood’s answer to the guys from Bumfights.
Wilson’s boarding is the last piece of the puzzle for the live-action/CG movie, which has shades of Fox’s surprise smash “Marley & Me” [i.e., it involves a dog -Ed.] and follows a family named the Winslows who move from Kansas to Orange County with their dog Marmaduke, a slobbery pooch who creates chaos wherever he goes. Tom Dey (Shanghai Noon, Failure to Launch) is directing, and John Davis is producing the family comedy, which has a June 2010 release date. [THR]
For his part, Owen Wilson has been preparing for the role by playing basically the same character in You, Me, and Dupree.
MATT DILLON: “Dupree! Did you crap on the carpet again? You’re the worst house guest ever!”
OWEN WILSON: “Hey, man, I’m a free spirit.”
(*air guitar*)
(Wolverine gets super pissed when you suggest wearing sleeves. It’s already a sore subject for his posse.)
Unlike most of the other Marvel properties, Fox still owns the rights to X-Men. And, as I often say of your mother, that’s a cow dey gon’ milk. Empire recently caught up with producer Lauren Shuler Donner to get a status update on all the planned X-Men spinoffs, including Wolverine 2, Deadpool, X-Men First Class, Magneto, and xXx-Men: Marvel goes Diesel. Just kidding about that last one, but this is Fox we’re talking, don’t be surprised.
On Wolverine 2:
“That’s the furthest along of all the X-Men projects on the boil. It’s actually the story we wanted to use for the first Wolverine film, but [Fox head honcho] Tom Rothman preferred to set the character up with an origin story first. This movie will really focus on the relationship between Wolverine and Mariko, the daughter of a Japanese crime lord, and what happens to him in Japan.
And we wanted an A+ writer, so we want to Chris McQuarrie (Valkyrie, The Usual Suspects). He came in and has tightened the story and got really immersed in the whole thing - he’s in Japan in his head!
Donner added, “He keeps rubbing up against women on the subway, and the other day he tried to buy my daughter’s panties. Someone’s gonna have to talk to the guy.”
Since May, Tom Cruise has been attached to 20th Century Fox’s Wichita, a surprisingly decent-sounding (for Fox) action comedy from 3:10 to Yuma director James Mangold, co-starring Cameron Diaz. The project had been known previously as “Wichita” and “Trouble Man”, but Fox apparently decided it needed a new title that more fit the studio who brought us Big Momma’s House, Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakwel, etc. So now it’s called… KNIGHT & DAY.
Horrible puns in the title always make for horrible movies — see also: All About Steve, Made of Honor, the Russell Brand-Easter bunny movie entitled I Hop. Was it really worth changing the name just to humor the executive who tells everyone how clever his niece is? “Knight & Day” makes it sound like an 80s buddy flick, in which former radio comedy team Hank Knight and Everette Day have to put aside their differences and reunite for one more big score. In short, it sounds like the 1989 Babaloo Mandel pilot, “Knight & Daye,” starring Marty in the Morning’s Joe Cipriano. And no, I didn’t make any of that up. Well done, Fox. Looks like you really “Mangold” this one! Hey, are you hiring?
(”Commandment 1: There is one true energy drink, and it’s name is ‘Xyience.’ Commandment 2: No fat chicks. Commandment 3…”_)
My favorite studio 20th Century Fox has announced plans to do a film about the life of Moses, in the style of 300. Because, as it says in Leviticus 2012, “Man shalt not lie with another man; it is abomination. Man shalt swordfight in underwear with other sweaty, shirtless man; lo, for it is awesome. Spake the lord: OOH WHA-AA AA-AAH!”
20th Century Fox has made a preemptive acquisition of a pitch to tell the story of Moses in “300″ style. The tale will start with his near death as an infant to his adoption into the Egyptian royal family, his defiance of the Pharoah and deliverance of the Hebrews from enslavement. The Moses story will be told using the same green screen strategy as “300,” so it will feel more like that pic or “Braveheart” than “The Ten Commandments,” the 1956 Cecil B. DeMille film.
The script will be written by Adam Cooper and Bill Collage, who make this their followup to a high-level deal they made to reinvent Herman Melville”s “Moby Dick,” with a graphic novel feel, for Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov. [Variety]
Now, if you had any doubt about Hollywood’s descent into unintentional self-parody, keep in mind that when I first reported their graphic-novelized version of Moby Dick back in September 2008, I wrote:
