Drunk Bohemian Rhapsody singer guy wore a Viking Helmet to court

Written by Vince Mancini / 11.28.12

Alberta’s Robert Wilkinson entered the FilmDrunk Drunk Hall of Fame earlier this year when, perhaps as an homage to Wayne’s World, he sang Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” in its entirety (including guitar and drum fills) from his seat in the back of a cop car after a DUI. He finished his tune with the improvised lyric change, “Nothing really matters, even the RCMP.” It was… beautiful. (*sniff*) Well, that guy, nay, hero, recently appeared in court, where he represented himself, and showed up wearing a Viking helmet and NASA t-shirt. (pictured, below). Sure, why not.

The Alberta man who became a YouTube sensation for enthusiastically belting out “Bohemian Rhapsody” from the back seat of an RCMP cruiser has been convicted of impaired driving and refusing a breathalyser test.
Robert Wilkinson will have to pay a $1,400 fine and will be prohibited from driving for one year.
He had been arrested while driving home from a bar in Edson, Alta.
Wilkinson earlier said in an interview that he didn’t want to send a bad message to young people about drinking and driving.
He wrote an apology to the band on his Facebook page, then posted an encore performance of “Handle With Care” by the Traveling Wilburys while wearing a T-shirt reading: “I don’t get drunk. I get awesome.”
Wilkinson said his brief bout with fame didn’t change his life much.
The unemployed karaoke singer said he received $1,000 from the American cable network TrueTV so it could air the video on its show World’s Dumbest Criminals.

Good thing they added “unemployed” there, I wouldn’t want to get him confused with an employed karaoke singer. Meanwhile, this YouTube video has more than eight million views, so I hope Bobby Dubz was smart enough post the video himself and collect the ad revenue. Ad revenue on an eight million-view YouTube video is nothing to sneeze at. $1,000, meanwhile… For comparison, I got paid more than three times that when they used my apartment in New York to shoot a TV show. My apartment wasn’t that special.

Wilkinson had no defence lawyer and represented himself at trial but failed to convince the court the arrest was a violation of his Charter rights.
He arrived at the court building wearing sunglasses, a Viking helmet complete with horns and a NASA T-shirt proclaiming: “I need my space.” [Macleans]

Well I see the problem here, he just chose the wrong defense. He should’ve said, “Your Honor, do you see my outfit? This is clearly Space Court’s jurisdiction, your Earth laws aren’t binding here.  We move that the case by transferred to the proper authority, so that it can be tried under the rules set forth by Kevin Spacey, President of Space. Now if it please the court, I’d like to close my argument with an acapella rendition of ‘Rocket Man.’”

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This man wants to massage your bum-bum

Written by AMB / 09.10.12

“Little babies enjoy their assh*les.” “Until I was 30 years old, I hated my assh*le.” This is one of the most amazing videos I’ve ever seen. I love that he’s so open-minded and straightforward about self anal massage, but still uses the vulgar term for it. Like a gynecologist that constantly uses the c-word. Thanks to Joe for the tip.

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VIDEO: Trolling in the analog age

Written by Vince Mancini / 07.18.12

With trolling the hot topic on everyone’s pussy lips after Rottentomatoes took the unprecedented step of suspending commenting on ALL Dark Knight Rises reviews this week, I thought it’d be fun to take a look back at the days when trolling took a little more work than simply firing off a misspelled death threat to some pinko who panned that batman movie you’re pretty sure is going to be awesome. This video, from our friends at EverythingisTerrible (awesome site) comes from the lost, 1986 VHS entitled “Revenge Tactics That Work.” It’s basically a primer on how to be a huge dick to everyone around you, from the days when doing so required more than just a computer and a few commenter accounts.

“Buy your loved one a locking gas cap, then keep the key yourself.”

“Squirt some crazy glue in your loved one’s door locks.”

“Break off a toothpick in your loved one’s ignition switch.”

And my personal favorite:

“Chain your loved one’s car to a tree.”

Bitch break your heart? Chain that bitch’s car to a tree! This video proves that good trolling doesn’t have to be sly or clever or creative, it just has to be brazenly dickish. “Don’t like someone? Here’s a pro tip – sock him in the dick while he’s sleeping! Just walk right up to him and stab him in the belly, then burn his house down!”

[EverythingisTerrible]

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Jake Gyllenhaal made a found-footage, interracial buddy cop movie

Written by Vince Mancini / 05.04.12

After the jump, it’s the trailer for End of Watch, starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Peña, from Street Kings director David Ayer – whose name is of course Spanish for “David Yesterday.” It’s sort of a found-footage premise (“the action unfolds entirely through footage from the handheld HD cameras of the police officers, gang members, surveillance cameras, and citizens caught in the line of fire“), but to be honest, I didn’t even notice until I read the synopsis. All I saw was an interracial buddy-cop movie with a Mexican in it, just in time for Cinco De Mayo! (*shoots pistols in the air, passes out under a cactus*) Sadly, it looks to be more Training Day than Lethal Weapon, which is a shame, because everyone knows a Mexican cop doesn’t need a bomb rigged to his toilet to blow it up. Whackety schmackety hacer (*tapdances off stage in pointy boots*).

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Chronicle Review: Can a cheap gimmick ruin a great story?

Written by Vince Mancini / 02.03.12

 

That's telekinesis, Kyle.

Can a cheap gimmick ruin a great story?

I bet when Josh Trank and Max Landis brought their pitch for Chronicle to a studio exec, they got about four words into before the exec held up his hands and said, “Wait, did you say ‘found-footage superhero movie?’ STOP RIGHT THERE! Here, take my entire wallet! Hell, you can come over and bang my mistress. Here’s my keys, there’s cocaine on the night stand.”

For trend-savvy businessmen who think in skin-deep marketing labels looking to recreate whatever was popular eight months ago, “found-footage superhero movie” is a word-powered Viagra boner, perfect for stabbing the nubile 18-year-olds they like to cast in everything. With Chronicle, it’s also a case of the hook, the most flashy thing about it, being the only obnoxious part of something otherwise pretty great. Found-footage is to Chronicle what that clear, one-button mouse was to Mac computers 10 years ago. Gimmick aside, it’s a high school movie that isn’t about the misunderstood loser courageously throwing off the shackles of his inexplicably cruel jock overlords. It’s a superhero movie in which the people who develop superpowers don’t have the morals of a 50s Boy Scout leader. I’d been hoping someone would make those for years, and now one movie does both? …What’s that you say? I have to watch it through the conceit of a high schooler’s camcorder? Boy, I could kick that Blair Witch right in the cunt.

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