Now I realize this is going to sound farfetched, but apparently there’s more than just a few ways to burn through a large amount of money very quickly: purchasing excess amounts of black tar heroin, investing poorly in a sh**ty rapper’s vodka company, cramming all that money up a body cavity -or, if you happen to reside in Hollywood, you can always just grossly overpay the star of your next big (supposed) blockbuster. Yeah, that’s also a great way to get rid of a bunch of cash -but just how much money constitutes a bunch? Well, in an apparent attempt to answer that question (and inspire mass suicides everywhere) Forbes just released their 2010 list of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors. You know, just to really help put into perspective how truly underpaid you are at your day job. And just to lay any rumors to rest, neither Nic Cage or Billy Zane made the list this year, sorry.

To formulate their list, Forbes first started with the 36 highest-earning actors from Hollywood. To qualify, during the past five years, each actor would have to have starred in, at least, three films that opened in more than 500 theaters. After this initial categorization, they then began to factor in various other details like penis length and bench press ability.

We used data gathered for our annual Celebrity 100 list to calculate each star’s estimated earnings on each film (including up-front pay and any earnings from the movie’s box-office receipts, DVD and TV sales). We then looked at each movie’s estimated budget [...] and box-office, DVD and television earnings to figure out an operating income for each film.

We added up each star’s compensation on his or her last three films and the operating income on those films, an divided total operating income by the star’s total compensation to come up with a return-on-investment number. The final number represents an average of how much a studio earns for every dollar paid.

Forbes fails to mention how many interns bludgeoned themselves to death with graphing calculators, during the research, but I can only assume the final count was north of ten.

Top 10 Overpaid Actors after the cut.

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Remember when your mom was on welfare and your family couldn’t afford real Fruit Loops, so you had to buy those “Fruit Rings” that came in a big trash bag?  According to Forbes, Shia Labeouf is that fruit ring.  He tops the list of actors who offer the biggest box-office returns for their price.  Hiring him is like getting a four-finger discount*.  Here’s the list:

1. Shia LaBeouf – $81
2. Anne Hathaway – $64
3. Daniel Radcliffe – $61
4. Robert Downey Jr. – $33
5. Cate Blanchett – $27
6. Jennifer Aniston – $21
7. Meryl Streep – $21
8. Johnny Depp – $18
9. Nicholas Cage – $17
10. Sarah Jessica Parker – $17

The numbers mean Shia Labeouf brings in $81 for every dollar that he’s paid.  Of course, a lot of his value comes from a movie like Transformers 2, where he could’ve been replaced by an upturned broom with a smiley face drawn on it in crayon and it still would’ve made $300 million.  Don’t ask me why.  I think it’s some kind of retard magic.
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Forbes’ list of Hollywood’s highest-paid dudes came out recently, and not surprisingly, the biggest fat cat is the big fat cat-eater himself, George Lucas.  My question: if George Lucas is making $170 million a year and Jerry Bruckheimer $100, why are their movies still such sucky, shameless cash grabs?  Once you’ve made more money than you could ever spend, wouldn’t you want to do something that you can actually be proud of?  In Bruckheimer’s case, I think he’s just really lazy.  “A movie about guinea pig secret agents?  Sure.  F*ck it, why not.  I mean, we’ve already done rapping kangaroos.”  As for George Lucas… I think it’s pretty clear that he’s a robot.  A machine being controlled by others whose mission is only to make more money.  And the pilot sits in his bullfrog chin.

Here’s the top 10:

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