Now that The Descent director Neil Marshall is done making the Mad Max of car porns, he turns his attention to where it’s more appreciated, to SWORD FIGHTS AND FIRE AND HOT CHICKS WITH WEIRD HAIR OOH WHA-AH AH-AH!  And … hey, was that McNulty from The Wire?  Anyway, this one’s called Centurion and it opens in April in the UK.  It looks like it’s probably pretty dumb, but I’m okay with dumb, as long as there are enough sword fights and fire.  It’s how I was able to teach special ed for all those years.

If Fox News columnist Roger Friedman’s status was at all in doubt yesterday, it is no longer.  Fox today released a statement saying they “mutually agreed to part ways immediately.”  Mutual, that’s how it was with me and my ex-girlfriend.  All the crying and pissing my pants at work and killing her dog was just a transitional phase.  Based on mutualness.  And if I’d done those things, and I’m not saying I did, but say for the sake of argument I did, it would’ve only been because I f*cking love you so much you stupid bitch why can’t you see that.

Anyway, so ends Friedman’s 10+ year career as a Fox columnist.  Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

“Guiding Light, R.I.P. I’m glad I switched to Colgate Total a long time ago.”

“Most of us have never been to Malawi, a country that Madonna has depicted as so poor that she must remove its children for their safety. She’s burnished this image so completely that yours truly was surprised to meet a group of Malawi businessmen on a flight in Zambia two years ago. These well-spoken gentlemen were on their way to a weekend retreat – just like businessmen all over the world.”

“After “Joey,” Matt LeBlanc has literally disappeared.”

“Whatever he’s doing involving chains, water tanks, or straitjackets, Jackman looks no worse for the wear. Wherever he goes, women go into a dead faint, and swoon all about like teenagers at a Justin Timberlake concert!”

“Krall has just finished producing tracks for Barbra Streisand’s new album, too. She’s doing all of that and taking care of two year twin boys with dad Elvis. And, oh yeah she does Letterman on April 3rd . Talk about multi-tasking!”

His legendary insight will be missed.

After the jump, watch the trailer for Burning Passions, a film by Brian Belefant (based on his 1999 short) about a guy who ejaculates fire (title’s like one a them double entenders, get it?).   Anyway, it’s currently making the festival rounds, and bills itself as “a coming of age story”, sure to “warm your heart” and “spurt thick, gooey ropes of laughter all over your mom’s face while she gets buttf-cked by a syphilitic rhino……. of comedy.”

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A fire ripped through the Universal Studios backlot Sunday, damaging numerous artifacts of fake history.  Among the destroyed sets include the courthouse square from Back to the Future and its famous clocktower.  Thousands of classic videos and film reels were also destroyed.

Two mock New York and New England streets used both for movie-making and as tourist displays were a total loss, Los Angeles County Fire Inspector Darryl Jacobs said.
An exhibit housing a mechanically animated King Kong that bellows at visitors on a tram also was destroyed.
All three sites were either damaged or destroyed during another fire at Universal Studios in November 1990. That fire caused $25 million in damage and was started by a security guard who was sentenced to four years in prison after pleading guilty to arson.
[Universal President] Meyer estimated there were 40,000 to 50,000 videos and reels in a video vault that burned but said duplicates were stored in a different location. Firefighters managed to recover hundreds of titles.
The videos included every film that Universal has produced and footage from television series including "Miami Vice" and "I Love Lucy."

So basically, there was a fire, but no one was hurt and everything can be replaced.  Boooooring.   "It looked like a disaster film," said Los Angeles City [‘s most unoriginal] Councilman Tom LaBonge.  LaBONG!

[Source. See also: Yahoo News Photo Slideshow of the Fire]