^{Homophobic Turtle loves underground fight club movies, though his favorite is Fight Club.}

Hooray, another shitty MMA movie! I may be mixing metaphors here, but Hollywood’s gonna keep squeezing money from this stone until it shits a dead horse.  This one’s called Fighting and stars Channing Tatum and Terrence Howard.   RopeofSilicon has your first look.

Small-town boy Shawn MacArthur [WHO LEADS WITH HIS FISTS, AND OFTEN, HIS HEART!] (Channing Tatum) has come to New York City with nothing. Barely earning a living selling counterfeit goods on the streets, his luck changes when scam artist Harvey Boarden [GRR, A DEN FULL OF BOARS!] (Terrence Howard) sees that he has a natural talent for streetfighting. When Harvey offers Shawn help at making the real cash [making the cash and having the sex has always been my dream!], the two form an uneasy partnership.
As Shawn’s manager, Harvey introduces him to the corrupt bare-knuckle circuit, where rich men bet on disposable pawns. Almost overnight, he becomes a star brawler, taking down professional boxers, mixed martial arts champs and ultimate fighters in a series of staggeringly intense bouts. But if Shawn ever hopes to escape the dark world in which he’s found himself, he must now face the toughest fight of his life [the fight against a horrible script!]. -Rogue films via RopeofSilicon

GRR, STAGGERINGLY INTENSE!  With Terrence Howard as the mentor in this, I think they missed a golden opportunity.  He could come in and be like, “Hey, man, you seem like a far out cat. You like beatin’ people up? Why not try beatin’ on this djembe drum?  Ain’t nothin’ finer for spreadin’ the vibe, ya dig?  Chew on it while I rhyme a while.” Look how sad he looks in this picture. You can tell he’s thinking about watching a mountain cry.

Hey, no one ever accused Gary Busey of not suffering from brain damage. 

Also starring Tae Kwon Do champ André Lima, Beyond the Ring tells the story of a little girl with cancer and the sweaty men who kick each other’s face to save her.  It’s a heartwarming story of triumph of the will, and modern-day gladiators who’ll kill for money and fame. 

It looks like it was shot in someone’s living room with actors they found loitering at Dairy Queen.  But hey, it’s based on a true story!  Reminds me of the time my uncle got the gout so I pushed an old lady in front of a train – violence solves everything!   

And yes, that was the bad guy from Karate Kid. Lookin’ good, hoss.

Thanks to “The Luchador” for the hot tip.    

Being that I’m a huge fan of anything homoerotic tough guy who loves MMA (GRR, MOUNT POSITION), I saw this story a few days ago but was waiting on more info.

Anyway, the story is UFC middleweight Rich Franklin  (wrongly credited as middleweight champ by Variety – he’s actually former middleweight champ ever since Anderson Silva gave him the first of two involuntary nose jobs), will be starring in a Weapon, alongside Tiffani (the “I” at the end stands for “hI, I’m a whore”) Thiessen and… FILMDRUNK’S MAN OF THE YEAR, BRUCE GREENWOOD!  As previously reported, Bruce Greenwood:

•    invented an inflatable hat shaped like the Vancouver Stadium Dome for The Grey Cup of 1983
•    can do a definitive rogue elephant trumpeting impression
•    can’t own a pet because of his travels but does have a cement dog named Rascal
•    says he could kick Rich Franklin’s ass and that Rich is a pussy if he doesn’t fight him [BruceGreenwood.com]

Sorry, got off track there. It’s just that Bruce is such a fascinating human being.  Anyway, the movie. “In the pic, a U.S. border patrol agent (Thiessen) apprehends a genetically engineered super-soldier (Franklin) but runs into trouble when the soldier’s creator (Greenwood) starts hunting them down.”  Which sounds to me like I should help you find naked pictures of Tiffani Thiessen  (here and here – NWS, if your boss is a pussy).

Terrence "YAHOO!" Howard and Channing Tatum are shooting Fighting this week in New York City, along with the incomparable Luis Guzman, who seems like kind of a dick in the above clip from the set of Waiting.  He also gives us the straight dope about sex. Creepy. 

Tatum stars as Sean Arthur, a young man who scrapes up a living hustling counterfeit merchandise in NYC. With family tragedy in his past and his father keeping him at a distance, this outsider has little to motivate him. A chance encounter with veteran street-fighting coach Harvey Boarden (Howard) leads to a whole new career for Sean.  

Eh, at least Tim Dick Allen's not in it. Guzman will play a fight promoter, and America-born Vietnamese ass kicker Cung Le will also appear, as "Sean's fearsome Korean foe in the ring."  Which makes me wonder, why not just re-write the character as Vietnamese?  Are Koreans inherently more villainous?  

Discover the answers to this and more on "Lance Martini's Guide to Asian Stereotype Subgenres."  Episode One: Filipinos – The Party Asians.   

UPDATE: Apparently, the Luis Guzman video is a fake. Meh. So are Alyssa Milano's tits, I still wanna squeeze 'em.