This news item comes from Mike Walker’s National Enquirer column, which generally contains 99% made-up bullsh*t.   But what can I say, I couldn’t resist a headline like “Joaquin Phoenix goes crazy while buying a cape.”

It’s no hoax, folks – Joaquin Phoenix is one nutty fruitcake! The looney-toony star, dressed like a homeless derelict and muttering to himself nonstop, was spotted pawing through racks of clothes at Red Balls on Melrose, where he finally grabbed a black velvet cape, black trousers and mesh top, ducked into a dressing room – and began belting rap songs.

Emerging in his new outfit, he told the salesgirl he’d be wearing it home. Nervous, she asked: “What form of payment will you be using today, sir?”… then nearly jumped out of her skin when Phoenix banged down a wad of cash and yelled: “MONEY!” [Editor's note: Again, possibly not true, but awesome. I'm totally stealing that.]

Said an eyewitness: “He mumbled madly while the girl counted out his change and offered him a bag for his own clothes. Joaquin never said a word, rushed out of the store wearing his velvet cape – and dumped his old clothes in the nearest trash can!” [Nat'lEnquirer via Celeb]

The eyewitness probably didn’t say that with an exclamation point, but Mike Walker’s keyboard is stuck on ‘breathlessly homo.’  Anyway, I hope Casey Affleck’s documentary comes out soon, because I’m starting to like this character.  And I don’t know how he’s going to top himself short of pooping in random baby strollers.  Same thing happened to Sean Young. It was …quite sad.

From Hollywood Reporter: 

Billy Campbell has joined Tea Leoni, Ricky Gervais and Greg Kinnear in the romantic comedy "Ghost Town" for DreamWorks and Spyglass Entertainment.

The story centers on a dentist who dies briefly during routine dental surgery and gains the ability to see dead people who ask him for help in contacting the living. Campbell will play the love interest of Leoni’s character, a widow whose deceased husband-turned-ghost (Kinnear) is trying to thwart her imminent marriage.

Holy shit, I’ve never heard a story so unique!  It sounds almost just like The Sixth Sense, Beetlejuice, What Lies Beneath, Ghost, The Eye, and Stir of Echoes… but not!  Who’s directing this?  David Koepp, the guy who wrote Stir of Echoes!  (He also wrote the remake of War of the Worlds, which was… uh… really… uh… good.)

I know what you’re thinking: Lance, Lance, Lance, quit ripping on this, it’s obviously a parody – Ricky Gervais is in it!  Your aura of masculinity makes my panties moist, but you’ve screwed up this time!

Sorry, folks, IMDB calls it a drama.  I call it a turd.