This summer… Adam Sandler’s finding it kinda hard to be a– (*RECORD SCRATCH*) (*pulls lottery ball from plot generator*) …A FAT GUY!  (*Black-Eyed Peas song fades in*)

Strangely, this news comes by way of Miguel Arteta, whose last two films were Youth in Revolt and Cedar Rapids (opens February 11th), both of which I loved. While doing the press rounds at Sundance, Arteta let it drop that he’s interested in this Adam Sandler-in-a-fat-suit concept.  I don’t know what’s weirder, that Arteta’s interested in this or that it hasn’t already been done.

Oh, Fatty McGee, you’re the fattest:

“I’d love to do a movie with Adam Sandler that… someone said he was flirting with? It’s called Fat Man [CALL IT FATTY MCGEE, DAMN YOU! -Ed.]. I don’t know if you’ve heard about this? One of the main writers of The Simpsons wrote the script and it’s amazing. He would play an 800lb guy who has a love affair between him and his nurse. And he’s naked for the first half of the film… and it’s very touching… and it’s very funny.

So, I hope he gets the gumption to do it, and maybe I get a crack at that, that would be amazing. Certainly, it would be not a movie you would forget anytime soon… and [it's] beautifully written. I don’t know if that’s meant to get out on the internet…”

Dammit, Arteta!  Have you forgotten the first and second rule of Adam-Sandler-in-a-Fat-Suit Club?!  You have no idea the danger you’re in!  Kevin James will stop at nothing, NOTHING, to ensure that this project never sees the light of day.  If Adam Sandler starts doing fat-suit movies, he’s out of a job!  You think he’s going to let that happen??  Not a chance!

LOOK OUT, HE’S GOT A FART!

Addendum: Alternatively, Adam Sandler could always produce, with Kevin James starring.  This summer... Paul Blart Presents: Farty McGee.

Finally we have the trailer for the most anticipated film of the year, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.  Critics are already calling it the least Tyler Perry fat suit comedy of the year.  It’s actually the third Big Momma’s House movie, but they couldn’t very well call it Big Momma’s House 3 and have people thinking it’s just some cheap retread of the first two movies, now could they.  It stars Brandon T. Jackson (Alpa Chino from Tropic Thunder) as Martin Lawrence’s son, who (*RECORD SCRATCH*), has to go undercover as a fat lady for some reason.  Judging by the two nutshots in the trailer, this might be the zaniest movie of the year.  Wait, did I say TWO NUTSHOTS IN THE TRAILER zany?  I did, friends.  I did indeed.

Oh, Faizon Love, you complete me, you big teddy bear.

Martin Lawrence and Jamie Foxx dusted off their characters Sheneneh and Wanda for a bit at the BET Awards a while back (video after the jump), and people seemed to like it.  Since movie execs are braying jackasses who would try to make a movie out of literally anything people enjoy these days (CHEESE PLATE! IN 3D!), Screen Gems hired Foxx to write an entire movie around it.  (TWO MEN! DRESSED AS WOMEN! BOTH UGLY!  IT WRITES ITSELF! FETCH MY COCAINE!)  Today’s news is that it now has (ulp) a distributor and a release date.  Says Production Weekly:

Sony gives the Jamie Foxx (Wanda) & Martin Lawrence (Sheneneh) comedy “Skank Robbers“ an Aug. 19, 2011 release date.

What do you think, is this a better or worse idea than a Les Grossman movie?  I guess that’s kind of like asking what flavor of popsicle I’d rather have shoved up my ass.  As much as he seems like a total d-bag, you have to give Jamie Foxx credit for being talented, but Martin Lawrence has never been funny.  He’s like a black Carlos Mencia, whose obvious, unfunny observations are not improved by his shouting.  Anyway, I think they should team up Sheneneh and Wanda with Les Grossman, Madea, and Eddie Murphy’s last three fat suits for one super-fat, super-cross-dressing, super-group movie.  It would be like The Avengers for f*cking morons.

Related: Who finds cross-dressing funnier, black people or British people?

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I hope screenwriter Randi Mayem Singer is waiting by the phone, because Renee Zellweger says she’s wearing a fat suit for Bridget Jones’ Diary 3.  Aw crap, did I just type Bridget Jones’ Diary 3?  Now my keyboard has AIDS ;-(

“Renee will be wearing a fat suit in the third film, as it took her a while to lose the weight last time,” a source revealed to British magazine Reveal. “She’s also thinking about the effect quickly putting on and then losing 30 pounds has on her body.”

I forgot that she’d actually gained 30 pounds for Bridget Jones Diary 2.  Can you imagine?  Jesus, man, considering the movie we’re talking about, that’d be like asking Robin Williams to actually get a sex change for Mrs. Doubtfire.  Not even.  It’d be like “We’re making a direct-to-DVD sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire, you’re gonna have to become a woman now.”

While some fans and bloggers are worried Zellweger’s portrayal of “Bridget Jones” will be less authentic the third go-round if she dons a fat suit, the actress has voiced concern over gaining weight for the famous role in the past. [NYDailyNews]

Oh okay, I get it now.  Haha, Bridget Jones 3 less authentic, very funny.  Seriously, you guys, where’s the hidden camera, I have work to do.

In these lean economic times, movie studios are sticking with safe bets on proven earners, earners like Big Momma’s House, which grossed $174 million worldwide plus $138 million for Big Momma’s House 2.
*slowly takes a sip of coffee*
*spits coffee on screen*
ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?  THE BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE FRANCHISE MADE $311 MILLION?!  Okay.  Sorry.  That’s out of my system now.  Anyway, Fox hired a writer for Big Momma’s House 3 and you know she’s good because she wrote a movie where The Rock plays The Tooth Fairy. *air guitar*

Fox may be ready for more Momma as the studio has tapped Randi Mayem Singer (“The Tooth Fairy”) to pen “Big Momma’s House 3.”  Logline’s under wraps for the second sequel, with New Regency and David Friendly attached to repeat their producing duties from the first two pics. [Variety]

It’s good to hear that the plot is a closely-guarded secret.  There’s nothing worse and going to see Big Momma’s House 3 and having some a-hole ruin the twist ending.  SPOILER ALERT: Rosebud is Martin Lawrence in a f’cking fat suit.