(This is neither here nor there, I just thought it was kind of cute. Makes a good dentist office poster.)

You know the drill folks, none of these stories are getting their own post.  Instead it’s the FilmDrunk Fart Lightning Round.

Jason Segel will star in the Muppet movie he wrote with Nick Stoller. “The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time, as it’s now known, centers on a man, his girlfriend, and the man’s life-long, brown puppet best friend who aim to reunite the old Muppets gang and band together to save the TV studio where the original show was shot.“   Set to be directed by James Bobin, sources say it will be different from previous Muppet movies in that all the humor will be derived from Jason Segel’s bare penis. |THR, ThePlaylist|

Fandango is going paperless. Now, instead of printing out your ticket, you can just have the ticket-guy scan the bar code directly off that thing you plan to text on the whole f*cking movie.  And if someone tells you to stop, just have your friends stab them with a meat thermometer, this is America. |TechCrunch|

Dakota Goyo will play the kid in Real Steel, the robot boxing movie.  Surprise, he’s a fruity-looking hair farmer.  If he and Dakota Fanning got married, she’d be Dakota Goyo.  And he’d still look like a lesbian.  Haha, I love you, cruel teasing of innocent children. |THR|

Gabourey Sidibe is getting pulled in opposite directions, by the “National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance” (NAAFA) who want to use her as an example that “heavy people aren’t necessarily unhealthy”, and by weight loss groups who want to help her fight the obesity epidemic.  It’s sad, she really reminds me of this girl I knew in high school who had AIDS and two babies and couldn’t read. |TMZ, TMZ|

(I stole that last joke from @jdoubledecker’s live tweet of Precious. His fellow live tweefer @joekingispretty has a show tonight at the Irvine Improv)

According to online movie ticket retailer Fandango.com, Transformers 2 already accounts for 45% of all their ticket sales, even though the movie doesn’t open until next weekend. 

The film is currently outpacing this summer’s Star Trek movie and the original Transformers in advance ticket sales on Fandango at the same point in those films’ sales cycles (one week before release date). [via Fandango Press Release]

And this despite early reviews that report robot testicles, dogs humping each other, and robots humping human legs, among other things.  Said director Michael Bay, “I wanted to make a film that was more true to my experience.” Then he let off a smoke bomb and escaped through a plate glass window.