Here's a helpful guide to the various breeds of fanboys. I still don't know what the hell Firefly is. And no, that doesn't mean I want you to tell me. (You can make it bigger if you right click and select "view image")

(via MadAtoms)

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Burnsy wrote a new Uproxx feature, so make sure you slap his ass on the way to the showers (in a hetero way). “8 Ways to Make Your Pet an Internet Sensation.” |Uproxx|
• Mayor Bloomberg with Snooki, The Situation, and some chick from Hair, your argument is invalid. |WarmingGlow|
• New Hampshire state representative’s Facebook status: “Anime is proof two nukes weren’t enough.”  |GammaSquad|
• Tim Tebow helps some douche propose.  |WithLeather|
• Junk food may be addictive as crack, reports fatty apologists. |Asylum|
• Chat Roulette Piano part 2. |CollegeHumor|
• Jesus, man, how much more complicated can we make a f*cking razor?  |AskMen|
• Surprise, Tila Tequila is a whore, dresses like a whore, does whorey things. |DrunkenStepfather|
• 6 people you meet in a holding cell.  Spoiler alert: three of them are Gary Busey. |CoedMag|
• “Mark Millar to Edit San Diego Comic-Con Edition of Wizard Magazine,” I wrote before bathing in clearasil. |ComicsAlliance|
• Auto Smiley makes emoticons from your real smiles, meaning there’s now something even more pointless than that the sh*t that makes a yellow smiley face from your emoticons. |Urlesque|
• More radical changes in store for So You Think You Can Dance. If you guessed one of the is me giving a sh*t, you are wrong. |InsideTV|
• Sherlock Holmes and the other new DVD releases this week. |InsideMovies|
• The 10 most annoying corporate-speak phrases and what they mean. |Guyism|
• 15 rare photos of celebrities. |UnrealityMag|
• AMC orders more “Walking Dead” series. |ScreenJunkies|
• 7 People You’ll Find at the DMV. |HolyTaco|

Here’s my ugly mug with James Nguyen at the Birdemic premiere.  Should be another screening this weekend in NYC, more info as it comes.  There was a way better one of him holding a coat hanger, but it was on my digital camera that I got drunk and left in a cab that pulled a runner on. So… yeah.  Good times.  …And also, here’s “Force by Forcewest“, because it’s awesome.

[banner pic source, Force by Forcewest via @Ratpack, More Birdemic pics]

It’s not that she doesn’t like them, she just disdains their child-like misinterpretation of the work of Kant.

Opening this weekend:
Push
Hmmm, a hip fraternity of attractive young mutants on the run from the government?  Where have I seen this before?  Oh right, everywhere.  The bad news is that this will bomb.  The good news is that Chris Evans may finally fire his agent.

Coraline
Hooray, something that might be worth seeing!  Though beware, it’s 3-D and involves people sewing buttons on their eyes.  Stone responsibly.

He’s Just Not That Into You
Planning on seeing this this weekend?  Congratulations, you’re a yuppie.

Pink Panther 2
Look, I love Steve Martin but I didn’t see a single f-cking panther in that entire trailer.  No panthers = not interested. As always.

Chocolate
“A special needs girl with a need to kick some ass.”  Nuff said.

Fanboys
Finally! I’ve been waiting two years to not see this!  Oh and hey, there’s a Harry Knowles character in there.  You know, I’ve always said that what that guy needs is a greater sense of his own importance.

Fanboys is the many times delayed, much-discussed film about a group of guys who break into George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch to steal a print of Episode I for a dying friend. I won’t get into to the behind the scenes squabbles because they’re boring and mostly involve unattractive people, but suffice to say it opens February 6th 2009 after originally being set for August 2007.  The film also features Kristen Bell in a slave Leia outfit, which is apparently a selling point for some people. So far she seems to me like another Jessica Alba, someone who’s cute but not nearly hot enough to justify how uninteresting I find her.  She also appears to about three apples tall.

Having not seen this movie yet, I give it two “Mehs” and half a dismissive wanking motion.

Kyle Newman is taking back Fanboys.  Remember, Fanboys?  That movie that sparked worldwide protests?  Yeah, well the original director and crew are back to do another cut that’ll probably never get released.  I’m excited about it. In fact, I’m about to lose control and I think I like it, a hoo hoo.

Ed Helms & Billy Bob Thornton in Manure.  "Story revolves around a trio of manure salesmen in 1960s heartland America. Helms will play Chet, a womanizing manure peddler."  I’d be excited about this if the writer wasn’t previously known for The Astronaut Farmer. As Kevin Smith says, in Hollywood you fail upwards.

AlfMo & Special K Join Prince of Persia. Ben Kingsley and Alfred Molina board Jake Gyllenhaal/Jerry Bruckheimer joint Prince of Persia. If I was an Oscar-winning actor and my agent got me a job in a Bruckheimer-produced video game adaptation, I’d crap down his sunroof.  Man up, Kingsley, you’re not Ghandi anymore.  

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp doing Dark Shadows.  Based on the supernatural soap opera from the 60s-70s. To borrow a few words from David Spade, "Tim Burton is not a genius, I have some bad news for you people." And, "Ooh, I put colors in my hair, I’m Johnny Depp."  On an another note, why not do an adaptation of Passions? That’s a supernatural soap opera and I can’t watch more than three minutes without feeling like I’m on psychadelics.

Yoko Ono Loses Lawsuit Against Ben Stein.  Say that five times fast and then hit yourself in the nuts.  I dunno, just because.

Universal Fire Was Caused by Blowtorches.  Those spunky hipsters at Truth also want you to know that cigarettes cause cancer.  I can really relate to their subversiveness and youthful sense of irony.  

Sandler, Rogen, and Leslie Mann to Star in Apatow Dramedy.  Supposedly centers on comedians – Sandler claims he’ll be making the rounds of LA comedy clubs in order to prepare.  In other news, using the word "dramedy" made me die a little on the inside.  

With Iraq descending into sectarian violence and China cracking down hard on protests in Tibet, some Star Wars fans decided it was high time to organize a protest…  demanding the release of the Fanboys movie.

"Star Wars" fans attempted to hold protests in support of Kyle Newman’s unreleased "Fanboys" movie at Friday’s screenings of the Weinstein Co.’s "Superhero Movie" on both coasts, but whether any substantial protest occurred is a subject of debate.

A "Star Wars" fan group known as the 501st called for fellow fans to show up at the AMC Theatres in New York and Los Angeles. The 501st claims 14 members showed up in New York and, when confronted by two security guards, chose to go inside and pay to see "21" instead. But an AMC spokesperson said there was no protest, and a source close to the film cited a YouTube video posted Friday night showing one protester saying no one else was there.

The group also claimed that more than 20 showed up at AMC’s theaters in Century City and faced even more security guards who asked them to leave the mall, which was considered private property. An AMC rep said the protest was limited to one person in a Darth Vader costume on the street outside the theater. A source close to the film said eight protesters did appear, and were taken out for pizza by one of the filmmakers.

"We’ve been working on this movie for many years, and if someone is going to take time out of their personal life and support our film, whatever that support might be, at the very least what we can do is say thank you and buy them a couple of slices of pizza for caring abut this project as much as we do," "Fanboys" producer Matthew Perniciaro said.

Say it ain’t so, fellas!  Tell me you at least held out for an extra side of ranch!

"They seemed to take the term ‘phantom menace’ to a whole different level. I guess they weren’t that organized. Apparently getting ‘Star Wars’ fans to give up their Friday night isn’t as easy as it looks," one source said. [Hollywood Reporter]

And that source was Shecky Goldfarb, whose comments were punctuated by a sad trombone sound.