Opening this weekend:

Fame
I’d see this, but I’m afraid it might cause me to flame.  Also, it looks lame.   Also, a kid does this in the trailer.  No gracias, fruity.

Pandorum
I’d like to see this, because Dennis Quaid has been making some solid career decisions of late and I’m sure this is no different.   But as many of you know, I suffer from a severe Cam Gigandet allergy.

Surrogates
You’ll never believe this, but Bruce Willis plays a cop… who bucks the system!  Don’t do it, Bruce, it could cost you your badge!

Capitalism: A Love Story
I’ll be honest, I don’t really get why people hate Michael Moore so much.  I mean, yeah, he’s fat, which is a perfectly acceptable reason, but as far as famous liberals go, that smug twat Rachel Maddow annoys me way more.  It’s like she expects a ticker-tape parade every time she makes a cute little joke that’s only funny if you went to Wesleyan.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Awww helll yeaah, dawg, it’s the Tucker Max movie release!  You knew this day would come!  Midgets and strippers and beer pong oh my!  This could be our last chance to live it up before law school!  Hey, I know they serve beers in hell, but you know what they don’t serve?  Queers.  Someone give me a fist bump.

These days, if you want to see people sing and dance and perform, your options are limited to the six or seven singing and dancing shows on TV every night.  Luckily they remade Fame, and now we’ve got a trailer.  Fame follows the kids at New York’s Performing Arts High School, where BY DAY they practice tap dance, concert piano, cello, and opera singing; BY NIGHT they produce rap songs, go to def poetry readings, and join hip hop dance crews; BY 20 they wear aprons, make lattes, and wait tables.  But seriously, every high school should be a performing arts high school.  Let’s be honest, algebra and living in the real world is not going to help you land a reality show or design handbags.
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Though it was huge when I was growing up, I’d never heard of Fame, the 1980 musical set at the New York High School of Performing Arts, until a few years ago. But pretty much every girl I’ve ever met pisses her panties at its mere mention.  This is the trailer for the remake, which opens in September.  America’s endless appetite for singin’ and dancin’ is seriously starting to creep me out.  How long will it be before renting a private karaoke room with four or five of your friends is considered a perfectly normal activity like it is in Asia (which is clinically insane)?

And can we please stop glorifying performance arts high schools?  Do you know anyone who knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives at the age of 14?  Or anytime before they were 20?  I hate those people.  When I was 14, my priorities were 1. Go through puberty  2. Touch a girl’s boob (preferably with her girl willing) 3. Foil a robbery, and 4. …Profit?   The last thing the world needs is more people whose only skill is making art. They’re like a vast pool of disgruntled jazz-hands mercenaries.

[via Buzzsugar]