^{Hey, wanna see my impression of Keira Knightley?}

Back when fake Warner Bros spokesman guy started, I never expected him to get so much mileage out of such a narrowly targeted schtick (see also his response to Batman, Turkey).  But here he is, back with a new video (below) in response to the Christian Bale tirade.  And he has something very important to say to all you haters out there.

“Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, American Psycho – what do these films have in common? They’re all films where Christian Bale plays himself, you cocksuckers.  You think having a circus clown mother and years of steroids does nothing to the rage that builds inside of you?  You better run, run and pray Christian Bale can’t find you.”

I find a good solution for nasty rage buildup is Metamucil.  Metamucil and raquetball.
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The other day I brought you the ridiculous-but-true news that the town of Batman, Turkey was suing Dark Knight director Chris Nolan for infringing on their… uh, I dunno, their batshit craziness, I guess.  Today, the fake head of WB (you may remember his previous response to Harry Potter fans) has issued a fake response, wondering, among other things, why they’re just getting around to suing now.

How convenient.  It just happens to be in the same year when our movie made more than your entire country did in the last f-cking decade.  Now, don’t get me wrong, we think your name is f-cking hilarious.  I mean ‘Batman, Turkey’?  Why don’t you sue turkeys while you’re at it?  Why don’t you sue the Ottomans in one of the living rooms of my several houses, you poor pieces of Turkish shit?  Why don’t you stick to what you’re good at?  Like being a nation of goddamned gypsies.

Huh, I always thought it was Romania that was the nation of gypsies.  Either way, both of those places are probably pretty crappy.  Ha, foreigners.  What are they thinkin.

[Thanks to Rob for sending this over]

Harry Potter fans were pretty pissed when Warner Bros decided to move the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from November ’08 all the way to July ’09. The move spawned a ton of negative press. But now WB (not really!) has a message for the Harry Potter fans: They’re through taking your shit. Says a (fake!) WB spokesman:

Go ahead, keep posting your comments disrespecting Warner Brothers. Maybe the next Harry Potter movie won’t be called The Half Blood Prince, maybe it’ll be called Snape Kills Dumbledore – Oh, I bet you didn’t know that already.

Pretty harsh. But the important thing is that production on the unauthorized Harry Potter movie I’m producing, Harry Potter and the Half Blood, Prince, is still right on schedule.