This trailer for “FDR: American Badass” is a few days old by now, but I let it slip by and I apologize. It’s a lot like Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but with FDR shooting werewolves from his wheelchair. I rag on ALVH all the time, but if it was 85 minutes shorter and full of curse words like this, I’d probably be all for it. Also, as long as we’re making Roosevelts look badass, I would’ve gone with Teddy.

MORNING LINKS
Yes, you can now have sex with your iPad. A must see, if you missed it. |Film Drunk|

‘Bayou Billionaires’ Is Kind Of Amazing |Warming Glow|

Violinist Clowns Jerk With Cell Phone, Becomes Internet Hero |UPROXX|

So Pastor Troy Is Doing Well These Days |Smoking Section|

I don’t know where Pauly found this picture, perhaps at the irony hut.

‘Unsupervised’ Doesn’t Deserve to Suck on the Tail Pipe of ‘Archer’ |Warming Glow|

You Will Never Believe How Kim Kardashian Decided That She Wanted A Divorce |With Leather|

Ralph Fiennes Reads Harry Potter Slash Fiction |Gamma Squad|

54 Uses For Binder Clips That Will Change Your Life |Buzzfeed|

Vanessa Hudgens is still in a bikini. Her life looks hard. |TheSuperficial|

“Purity Bear” is Pedobear’s boring-ass cousin that everyone hates. |Videogum|

AHHHH KILL IT WITH FIRE. |TheDailyWhat|

This girl can sneeze with her eyes open and it’s freakin’ everyone out. |GorillaMask|

Six movie characters who have a better life than Tom Brady. |ScreenJunkies|

AC Milan Player’s Girlfriend Blames Injury on ‘Too Much Sex’ |Brobible|

25 celebrities as furries. |HolyTaco|

10 Super Weird Names Celebrities Gave Their Kids |Unreality|

Comments of the Week | Frotcast on iTunes| FilmDrunk on Facebook | Vince on Twitter

There are far too many supercuts, parodies, and fan-made trailers going around for me to post even a fraction of them (and for the most part, you should thank me), but I consider this parody of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close close to a must-watch. The insanely maudlin-looking movie adaptation of Jonathan Safran Foer’s novel (which has already been accused by some of post-9/11 opportunism) probably ranks just behind War Horse and The Iron Lady in terms of unintentional parody films. (And really, aren’t we tired of these kinds of movies yet?)

Point is, it’s an easy (and deserving) target, but the folks at theDickheads went a clever way with it, re-imagining Tom Hanks’s beloved 9/11 casualty character as a really obnoxious 9/11 conspiracy theorist. Brilliant concept, and spot-on execution. “A plane crashes in an EMPTY FIELD and leaves no trace. ARE WE AT F*CKING HOGWARTS?!”

I love this.

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Finally, a biopic about one man’s quest to win an Oscar for starring in biopics.

MORNING LINKS
A Golden Treasury Of Awkward/Weird/Awesome Family Holiday Photos |UPROXX|

The 10 Funniest TV Episodes of 2011 |Warming Glow|

American Psycho Updated for 2011 |Film Drunk|

Meet Japan’s hottest boy band, SEXYZONE. |buzzfeed|

READ MY STORY ABOUT VIN DIESEL GOING TO THE DMV! |TheseFriesAreGood|

Cheerleading In The Dark: The Sights And Sounds Of The MNF Power Outage |With Leather|

The Best Fails Of 2011 |Buzzfeed|

Videogum exhaustively compiles the best viral videos of 2011. |Videogum|

Kim Kardashian only went to Haiti for a fashion show. |TheSuperficial|

19 outstanding words you should be working into conversation. |MentalFloss|

Alyssa Jerry likes showing off her butt. |GorillaMask|

Conan introduces the Menorah human centipede. |TheDailyWhat|

Here is a video of a monkey scrubbing dishes. |DAPSwebsite|

Best Movie Dogs of 2011: From Uggie to Skeletor, the Top 11 Canine Co-Stars of ’11 |Moviefone|

The 10 Best SNL Sketches of 2011 |Pajiba|

Seven Movie Trailers for 2012 That Look Promising |Unreality|

How To Catch A White Person |NextRound|

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Today is April Fool’s Day, a time of hilarious pranks, like that Improv Everywhere guy who got beat up dressed as Jar-Jar, only the video was staged, and I guess that was the improv, and… honestly, what was supposed to be funny about that?  That someone beat up Jar-Jar Binks?  “Oh man, that is classic!” said a guy from 2001. Improv is for assholes. Edit that sh*t and get back to me. Anyway, I’ve participated in the April Fool’s Day madness in the past (not trying to actually trick anyone, mind you), but today is Friday and I don’t feel like it, and it’s a dumb tradition anyway.

On that note, Landline TV’s latest video is right up my alley.  It’s their trailer for April Fool’s Day, a hellish, alternate-universe version of Groundhog Day, that imagines what it’d be like if the day the protagonist had to relive over and over was April 1st.  It’s awful.  You’d have to have a sick mind to even think of this.  Ugh, April 1st.  It’s the Bros Icing Bros of holidays.

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After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for ‘Velocipastor.’  If you don’t laugh when the dinosaur shows up, you’re probably dead.

The director, Brendan Steere [I assume his family is from Texas -Ed], is hoping to turn it into a full-length feature film if he gets enough comments on YouTube or Undead Backbrain. [MarySue via Buzzfeed]

What coincidence, “Undead Backbrain” is my nickname for Kim Kardashian.  (*jazzy bass riff, winks at band leader*).  In any case, this looks awesome.  And as we all know, Velocipastor answers to no one.  No one except…. DINO-POPE!

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