The folks at Red Letter Media are doing the Lord’s work yet again, having compiled every face punch from Road House into one video (bonus trivia that matters only to me: Road House was partly filmed in Reedley, California, the town where I went to high school). And what better way to celebrate the birthday of George Washington, the face-punchingest of US Presidents? (Okay, it was probably Andrew Jackson, but still). In any case, it’s glorious. Girls punch girls, guys punch girls, girls punch guys, fat guys punch skinny guys, skinny guys punch fat guys, and guys who died of pancreatic cancer punch other guys who died of pancreatic cancer (*pours two out for Patrick Swayze and Ben Gazzara*). Seriously though, f*ck you, pancreatic cancer. Anyway, you can watch the supercut below. There was a lot of face punching going on in that movie, and no wonder, it’s contagious. Watching this makes me wish my grandma wasn’t dead so I could punch her right in the mouth. She’d probably just wipe the blood from her mouth on the back of her hand, laugh, and buy us a round of whiskey shots while we talked about pussy. I miss you, grandma.

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Here I was in the middle of writing a subtle, intensively-researched, impassioned piece about the health care crisis, when all of a sudden this new clip from Ong-Bak 2 shows up in my inbox.  As you can see, the scene is that the black knight from Monty Python and some guys in masks are having a knife-sex party up in a tree when Tony Jaa decides to interrupt… WITH FISTS!  AND KICKS!  AND KNEES AND ELBOWS AND BONE BREAKS TO THE CHEST PARTS!  Holy crap, nothing gets me fired up like new Tony Jaa clips.  In fact, I just headbutted my coffee mug and beat my roommate to death with his own cat.  Crap, I gotta go guys, I should call someone about this.

“THIS CHICK SEEMS FEISTY.”

Opens October 23rd in theaters, already available on OnDemand

This trailer comes from Sahamongkolfilm, the people who brought us Chocolate, Ong Bak, and Raging Phoenix, so you know it’s going to be awesome. It’s called Power Kids, and it’s about a group of young muy thai experts who have to defend a hospital from terrorists in order to save their friend getting a heart transplant.  I want to marry that synopsis.  It also features poorly translated subtitles, my favorite.  Here are some of them:

Tony Jaa become an action star as a grown man. Jija Yanin become well known in her teens.  Now the world of martial arts…  Will engrave their names… At a very young age.   It’s time… for every heart… to unite… to fight the explosive battles with no regard for size.

So… which one of you ladies wants to fight an explosive battle with no regard for size?  (*points to crotch*) (*prematurely ejaculates*) (*cries*)
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