Good news!  As you can tell by this professionally-created video, After Last Season is coming to DVD.  Though its four-city theatrical run was tragically cut short (damn you, Rochester and North Aurora, you lucky bastards!), come September 30th, we’ll all have a chance to experience the supposed five-million-dollar-budgeted majesty.  The whole After Last Season phenomenon takes a bit of explaining, but basically, it’s like performance art.  Not that the movie is performance art, more the idea of someone writing it and making it and releasing it is.  It’s almost too good to be true.  The DVD trailer is par for course, considering that course involves an MRI machine made of cardboard.  It looks like writer/director/producer Mark Region cut it himself and solicited voice over work from an Asian guy, probably a family member.  The audio’s even funnier when you type it out:

“One of the most intriguing, and amazing films of the year… Is also a frightening experience!”
“These are the chips?”
“THE CHAIR!”

That does it, I’m sold.  You can order it on their website, plus see not-necessarily-that-positive-sounding testimonials like, “My mind has melted out my ears after seeing this!” and “What an impressive film.  Or was it a film?”  There you have it, folks — After Last Season: it’s maybe a film.

I was struggling for some semi-interesting movie news to close out the day and was getting nothing, but luckily FilmDrunkard Michelle directed my attention to this 1986 music video for Luis Cardenas’ cover of “Runaway”.  It was nominated for a Grammy in best music video, and you’ll see why when the claymation dinosaurs start sprouting mohawks and rockin out on guitar.  Luis Cardenas had a very important message to bring the world, and that message was MY DRUM SET IS A TIGER.  Man, this rocks so hard.  I guarantee this is Fei Fei the Sunglass Dog‘s favorite song.

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This is called “The Miracle of Birth” by New Zoo Revue.  Now, I’ve posted some pretty f’d up videos before, but for sheer holy-crap-did-someone-spike-my-weed-with-angel-dust WTFness, I think this one takes the cake.  I was too young to remember when I learned how babies were made, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t involve a redneck, a hippie, three people dressed as a hippo, an owl, and a frog, and an interpretive dance. (But you know what did?  Gary Busey’s prom).

I miss the 70s.  Back then, when people made shows for kids, it wasn’t because they were closet pedophiles, they were just really high.

[Thanks to Jessica for finding this in the primordial sludge of her repressed memories]

I didn’t want to ruin the surprise by putting it at the top of the post, but if you scroll down, you’ll see a poster for what may be the greatest premise and the most perfectly cast film of all time.  That’s right, it’s MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS, STARRING DEBORAH GIBSON AND LORENZO LAMAS. I keep trying to say that three times fast but I can’t get past one without ejaculating (kinda like my sex life).  I’m assuming Lorenzo Lamas plays the octopus, because everyone knows he gets handsy after a couple cocktails.  I’m also assuming that at some point, in that moment of eerie calm right before the sh-t hits the fan, Debbie Gibson will turn to him and say, “…I think we’re alone now.”

UPDATE: As astute commenter Deux-Deux-Deux points out, “I Think We’re Alone Now” was Tiffany, not Debbie Gibson. My mistake.  And by ‘astute’ I mean of course ‘totally queer’. (Should’ve wikipedia’d that. Sorry.)

[hat tip - Twitch]

What the hell is this, you ask?  Why, it’s a Twilight-fan-made representation of BELLA’S WOMB, made of felt, of course. Complete with “an actual felted mutant fetus inside.” You might not think it looks much like a uterus, but keep in mind that Twilight author Stephenie Meyer is Mormon, and Mormons believe babies hatch from eggs that Jesus lays. White babies, anyway.

[via journalfen, via Cinematical]