Yes, this is a Kung Fu movie starring a Thalidomide flipper baby. And before you get all self-righteous about me calling him a flipper baby, keep in mind, one of the actual titles in the trailer below refers to the lead actor as “Bruce Willis with flippers.” Also, the title of the film is “Kung Fu Flid.” Holy hell. If you know what “flid” means, that’s basically the equivalent of calling it “Heavy Metal Mongoloid.” (Starring Jackie Chan with extra chromosomes!)

WATCH. THIS. IMMEDIATELY. In the meantime, it seems I have a script to write.

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Ironclad, starring Paul Giamatti and James Purefoy, barely got a release before it goes to DVD July 26th, isn’t even listed on BoxOfficeMojo, and based on its middling reviews, would seem to be fairly mediocre.  What this new video of a guy getting beaten to death with his own arm preSUPPOSES is… maybe it’s awesome? That is the most metal version of “why you hittin’ yourself” I’ve ever seen. I can’t even handle this much carnage and speed metal. I started watching it, but then I blacked out and when I woke up, my cat was on fire.

[via BloodyDisgusting]

Holy crap.  Why didn’t anyone tell me about The Last Circus before today?  You’re all fired.  I had to shove a lit cigarette up my nose because my mind just got blown.

1937, Spain is in the midst of the brutal Spanish Civil War. A “Happy” circus clown is interrupted mid-performance and forcibly recruited by a militia. Still in his costume, he is handed a machete and led into battle against National soldiers, where he single handedly massacres an entire platoon. This absurd and disturbing scenario raises the curtain on a twisted tale of love, revenge, and psychopathic clowns that could only spring from the mind of filmmaker Álex de la Iglesia.

It’s not often that I have to stop a trailer every two seconds to take another screencap out of the sheer awesomeness of the visuals, but this thing just kept one-upping itself.  Murderous clowns, fascism, and sexy sex?  YES, PLEASE.  I’m equal parts terrified and tumescent. Check out the red-band trailer and more ridiculous stills below.

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Yes, that is a rat with laser eyes exploding from a woman's skull

The other day I posted a trailer from Cinefamily’s Holy F*cking Sh*t film series that featured a robot-zombie Jesus as a protagonist.  As part of my commitment to bringing you face-melting awesomeness on a daily basis, today I proudly feature another film from the same series, Rat Scratch Fever.  Rat Scratch Fever tells of one of the most important issues affecting us today, the story of giant mutant rats from space with lasers for eyes.  (According to Scientology, those rats are actually Thetans).

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Good news!  As you can tell by this professionally-created video, After Last Season is coming to DVD.  Though its four-city theatrical run was tragically cut short (damn you, Rochester and North Aurora, you lucky bastards!), come September 30th, we’ll all have a chance to experience the supposed five-million-dollar-budgeted majesty.  The whole After Last Season phenomenon takes a bit of explaining, but basically, it’s like performance art.  Not that the movie is performance art, more the idea of someone writing it and making it and releasing it is.  It’s almost too good to be true.  The DVD trailer is par for course, considering that course involves an MRI machine made of cardboard.  It looks like writer/director/producer Mark Region cut it himself and solicited voice over work from an Asian guy, probably a family member.  The audio’s even funnier when you type it out:

“One of the most intriguing, and amazing films of the year… Is also a frightening experience!”
“These are the chips?”
“THE CHAIR!”

That does it, I’m sold.  You can order it on their website, plus see not-necessarily-that-positive-sounding testimonials like, “My mind has melted out my ears after seeing this!” and “What an impressive film.  Or was it a film?”  There you have it, folks — After Last Season: it’s maybe a film.