"Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Wouldst thou like to cornhole?"

With the way that we’ve talked about the upcoming (*bike horn*) porn version of Romeo and Juliet around here, you’d think that we were getting producer’s credits on the darn thing (I wish!). But we are once again excited to deliver an exclusive on the erotic retelling of the classic William Shakespeare tale, as we have your very first look at the movie’s trailer. (You can also check out the SFW movie stills here.)

Remember, this is the movie that sparked an honest-to-goodness love affair between the film’s two stars, Rocco Reed and Chanel Preston, who even joined Vince and the boys on a recent edition of the Frotcast to discuss how love blooms on the set of an adult film. And if this movie can inspire love between its stars, then just imagine the love that it can inspire between you and your loved one, a Fleshlight, an old gym sock, one of those mini pumpkins with a hole cut in it, or your favorite couch.

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Yes, apparently that was a real shotgun

Today at a Sundance screening of Hobo with a Shotgun, Rutger Hauer told me to shut up in front of an auditorium full of people.  I’ll have video of that up soon, my ultimate geek moment, but for now, let’s focus on Rutger Hauer being awesome.

While director Jason Eisener was introducing the film, star Rutger Hauer, veteran of Blade Runner and possibly the most impish 67-year-old alive, ran onstage holding what appeared to be a real shotgun.  I’ve got video of that below, but this was the exchange:

HAUER: “You wanna take a bet if it’s loaded or not?

[Someone in the audience shouts "That's a real shotgun!"]

HAUER:  “We.  Shoot. Movies.  We don’t shoot f*cking people.”

(*breathes into paper bag to avoid geek coma*)

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Yesterday at Sundance, during roundtable interviews for Cedar Rapids (another solid comedy from Miguel Arteta, review to come), I got the chance to talk to veteran character actor Isiah Whitlock Jr. He plays Ronald Wilks in the film, but is probably most famous for his role as Senator Clay Davis in The Wire.  Me being the internet jackass that I am, my first question was about the strange type of fame that comes with being a phenomenon amongst internet jackasses.  You can hear the exchange in the clip above (full transcript below), but here’s the short answer to the question “how often do people on the street come up and do your ‘sheeeeit’ line from The Wire?”

“It’s rare that I go a day without someone doing it.”

He seems to be a good sport about the whole thing, saying, “You put it out there, you gotta be prepared to deal with it.”

Which is good, because he seems like he could cut a man in half with his masculine baritone.  (He does the line at 2:08 of the interview. Listen as the assembled reporters try to stifle our squeals of delight). The best part of the interview came later, when I asked him what question he’s most sick of hearing during press tours.  His answer was polite and diplomatic, but the basic gist of it was, “People mostly ask me stupid sh*t about The Wire.”

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Evan from Severin Films has come through with yet another awesome, EXCLUSIVE clip for us to enjoy, this time from Alexander Jodorowsky’s Santa Sangre.  I’d never heard of that person or that film before today, but now that I have, it’s like discovering my dad’s Playgirls Playboys.

Allow me to recap: a greasy Latin man finds some special needs kids at a movie theater, where he gives them all cocaine and takes them to a tranny dance party.  That’s not all, but I won’t spoil the ending.  Basically, it’s like if Charlie Sheen was a special ed teacher.  (Holy crap, someone write that idea down).

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While Comedy Central has been busy televising roasts of David Hasselhoff, Flava Flav, and Bob Saget (next up, Kid Rock, in January), the Friar’s Club recently took the novel approach of hosting one for someone accomplished, and not best known for regularly falling under Perez Hilton’s poison MS Paint hate pen of fatty rage.  Specifically, Quentin Tarantino. A friend of FilmDrunk was in the audience for today’s Tarantino Roast (someone I know, not just a random emailer), and while I’ll have more jokes and possibly audio clips later, for now let’s just focus on the juicy stuff, like Tarantino chugging wine out of Uma Thurman’s shoe.

Tarantino has long denied the foot fetish allegations, but hey, this is a roast.  A roast without jokes based on unfounded allegations and half truths is like Richard Gere without a gerbil up his ass.  Long story short, Uma Thurman got onstage, told a few jokes and stories about Quentin, and when she was done, she took off her shoes, filled them with wine, and she and Quentin drank a toast. Here’s a taste (of the toast, not the funguswine):

“Throughout our long and glorious — and inglourious — relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs, but for now I’ll just focus on Kill Bill.  Deep in the desert, late one night around four am, for once my phone accidentally went off [during a take]. And Quentin screamed, as he does, ‘Whose phone is that!? Whoever’s phone that is is dead!’  And I said, from the dirt pile I was half buried under, ‘That was my phone, actually, so leave the crew alone.’  And he said ‘You let your phone go off one more time and I’ll make you regret the day you ever started acting!’  And I screamed back, ‘That happened a long time ago, motherf**ker!’

And from there, we had some more ups and downs.  Towards the end, we were sitting in Quentin’s office during a particularly grueling moment of shooting, and I irritated him somehow.  And he said, ‘You do that one more time and, next time we work together, I’m gonna write ‘Bitch’ on the back of your chair!’  And I said, ‘Honey, next time we work together, you might as well write ‘idiot’ on the back of my chair.’  [she may or may not have snapped her fingers in a circle at this point, but either way I think it's implied. -Ed]

So in honor of that, and the many myths of Quentin and I, darling…”

And then they did their toast.  Good times, good times.  Anyway, I hope people don’t go all gossip column on me for putting this out there.  He drank wine out of a girl’s shoe.  I’m not proud of it, but I’ve drunk far worse out of a dude’s dirty rugby boot and I was probably only half as coked up at the time.