“Hey, we should do heroin again.”

The first 24 hours after April Fool’s Day are the most difficult, because there is so much crap to sort through in these cat tubes and it’s hard to tell what is real and what was some awful joke story written by someone who turned to his cat and said, “See? I told you I could fool strangers.” But it seems that this news about director Danny Boyle wanting to make a Trainspotting sequel is pretty legit. You know, because he talked about it.

Boyle’s target date for Trainspotting 2: Dead Baby is Still Dead (title pending) is 2016, and the original was released in 1996. That means 20 years will have passed between the original and the sequel, so why even bother? You know, other than to make me incredibly depressed about where my life has taken me.

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Here’s the trailer for Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, adapted from the the Paul Torday novel by Slumdog/127 Hours screenwriter Simon Beaufoy and directed by Chocolat/Cider House Rules director Lasse Halstrom, starring Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt. On the surface, it’s a film about a Yemeni entrepreneur with a crazy idea to attract tourism, but AT ITS CORE™, it’s a story about having the courage to swim against the current (GET IT? LIKE SALMON.)

Is it just me, or does every film these days sound like a human interest story on local TV? SALMON FISHING in the YEMEN! HORSE survives WAR! MAN buys ZOO! INJURED DOLPHIN inspires SOLDIERS! I’m telling you, whoever figures out how to adapt Squirrel on Waterskis is going to be balls deep in cash money. (*shoos dog away from dead owner’s grave, goes back to hugging lion*)

The first time I heard Jim Carrey was starring in a movie called “I Love You Phillip Morris,” I figured, “Phillip Morris?  Why, that movie’s probably about smoking.”  As it turns out, Jim Carrey’s character in the film does love smoking. …PENISES!  HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, get it?  He likes smoking penises?  Seriously though, he’s gay.  Not sure if you caught that.

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(“HOW OLD IS THIS LION?”)

Once again, the victim in Roman Polanski’s case has officially asked for his release.

The attorney for the victim in Roman Polanski’s 32-year-old sex case is joining his lawyers’ bid to have the director sentenced in absentia to time served.
Attorney Lawrence Silver on Wednesday faxed to other lawyers in the case a motion he planned to file Thursday in Los Angeles Superior Court, asking that the director be sentence in absentia. On behalf of the victim, Samantha Geimer, Silver also is supporting a motion by Polanski’s lawyers urging that Polanski be sentenced to time served. [Yahoo]

An earlier appeal to have the case tried in absentia was denied last month.  From the beginning, Polanski’s victim has said she only wanted the case to be over with.  My guess is it’ll be a few more months before the lawyers decide whether to have a preliminary hearing to rule on whether to read the letter.  Elsewhere, Polanski’s next movie, Ghost Writer, which opens in February, has a poster. Say what you will about the man, he’s still a great director.  It’s like he has a gift for strongarming the camera into doing whatever he wants. *slide whistle*

[poster source = CHUD]

This is the first trailer for Men Who Stare at Goats, starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges (in full-on The Dude mode), and Hollywood’s hottest bachelor Kevin Spacey.  It looks like it could either be funny or way too cute for its own good, like my tiny, tiny penis.

Reporter Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) is in search of his next big story when he encounters Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), a shadowy figure who claims to be part of an experimental U.S. military unit. According to Cassady, the New Earth Army is changing the way wars are fought. A legion of “Warrior Monks” with unparalleled psychic powers can read the enemy’s thoughts, pass through solid walls, and even kill a goat simply by staring at it. Now, the program’s founder, Bill Django (Jeff Bridges), has gone missing and Cassady’s mission is to find him. The Men Who Stare at Goats was inspired by Jon Ronson’s non-fiction bestseller of the same name, an eye-opening and often hilarious exploration of the government’s attempts to harness paranormal abilities to combat its enemies. [Apple]

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