Worse than a Dutch oven.

Between Madea’s Family Reunion, Madea Goes to Jail and Madea’s Big Happy Family, Tyler Perry has grossed roughly $207 million just at the box office. That doesn’t include his other dozen or so films that have all raised somewhere between $35 and $90 million each, but it’s all the reason he needs to unleash yet another tale of the tough-talking, cross-dressing grandmother. This time, though, Madea is helping her FBI agent nephew, who needs her to keep an eye on Eugene Levy’s family, as the mob is after them, hence Madea’s Witness Protection. Go ahead, camp out for your tickets now.

So why then is the mob about to taste Madea’s pain?

For years, George Needleman (Levy), the gentle CFO of a Wall Street investment bank, has been living with his head in the clouds. His frustrated second wife, Kate (Richards), has reached her limit taking care of his senile mother, Barbara (Roberts). His teenage daughter, Cindy (Danielle Campbell), is spoiled beyond hope and his seven-year-old son, Howie (Devan Leos), wishes his father were around more. But George is finally forced to wake up when he learns that his firm, Lockwise Industries, has been operating a mob-backed Ponzi scheme – and that he’s been set up as the fall guy.

Huh? Wha? How did I get out on this building’s ledge?

Facing criminal charges and death threats from the mob, George and his entire family are put under witness protection in the safest place that Brian (Perry), a federal prosecutor from Atlanta, can think of…

His Aunt Madea’s house down South.

*repeated record scratch*

As a result, Madea and her live-in brother, Uncle Joe (Perry), find themselves managing a completely dysfunctional family from Connecticut. But as George tries to solve the mystery behind Lockwise’s finances, Madea whips the Needlemans into shape using her hilarious brand of tough love. And together, they realize they just might have what it takes to unite George’s family, outsmart the mob and change everyone’s lives for the better.

What I have a problem with is the idea of the FBI leaving an important witness and his family in the hands of a convicted felon. This is how our justice system falls apart, damn it. But perhaps the brand new trailer can give us some insight into the hilarity of Perry’s latest trip to the ATM.

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Knocked Up Number Two!

Here’s the first poster for Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up spinoff, This is 40, starring Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd (trailer here). If I’m not mistaken, this image is a reverse of the scene in Knocked Up where Leslie Mann is taking a dump while Paul Rudd brushes his teeth. And then of course there’s the famous poop scene in Bridesmaids, a scene supposedly championed by Bridesmaids producer, you guessed it, Judd Apatow. Because to Judd Apatow, marriage means someone’s always taking a poop.

Though the iPad part does hit a little close to home. Does the iPad have a taking-a-dump setting where you can hold it flat on your lap without the picture trying to reorient? It really should. “iPad: It’s the shitter newspaper of the future!”
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Madea’s Witness Protection. Oh yeah, that’s happening. Boom, you just read that.

Lionsgate has today announced plans to re-team with Tyler Perry for Madea’s Witness Protection, the 14th collaboration between the talent and the studio in seven years.

14 movies in seven years?  My gosh, makes the fact that he’s able to achieve such unbelievable depth and originality all the more impressive, doesn’t it?

Eugene Levy (American Pie, Best in Show) will star as George, a high level CFO at the center of a Ponzi scheme in New York City who is enrolled in the Witness Protection program along with his family in the one place that absolutely no one will think to look for them: Madea’s house down South.

Dorky Jewish guy plus sassy black sista, a classic comedy combo! It’s like Sinbad’s Houseguest meets Queen Latifah’s Bringing Down the House meets Big Momma’s House. Oh, and did I mention the press release includes an “official statement” from Madea herself? Because oh hell to the yeah it does. HALLELUJER! GOOD AFTERNOONT!

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Getting the logistics together to make a new America Pie movie was no easy task for Universal, and I’m sure will one day be the subject of an Entertainment Weekly cover story about how those heroes managed to milk blood from a rightfully dead franchise when all the h8erzz said it would never work. Long story short, to get it under budget, they had to cut a few corners. And apparently, one of those corners was named “Tara Reid’s salary.”

From The Hollywood Reporter:

How the studio met those challenges is a study in prolonging a franchise on a sensible budget. Production on the $50 million film, which wrapped this summer in advance of an April 6 release, was moved to Georgia to take advantage of a generous tax credit.
Then the studio played hardball with the actors, who have experienced mixed levels of success outside of the franchise.
According to sources, Universal is paying Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott a robust $5 million each, plus a small slice of first-dollar gross, to reprise their roles.
Alyson Hannigan, star of CBS’ How I Met Your Mother, is getting about $3 million. And veteran Eugene Levy, who starred in four profitable direct-to-DVD Pie films that helped make the property a billion-dollar franchise, is said to have received a payday also in the $3 million range.
The rest of the cast — which includes Chris Klein, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Natasha Lyonne, Jennifer Coolidge [Stifler's mom], Mena Suvari and Shannon Elizabeth — is being paid far less, say sources, most in the $500,000 to $750,000 range (though bonuses for some could kick in if the film is a hit, as expected).
Rounding out the list is Tara Reid, who is said to have joined Reunion for close to the $250,000 that Universal initially offered. A studio rep calls the figures “inaccurate” but declines further comment.

Now, there are two ways to look at it this. On the one hand, getting paid a third of Shannon Elizabeth, who was barely in the first one and doesn’t even show her boobs anymore, is pretty insulting. On the other, Tara Reid getting paid a quarter mil to stand around eating free food and occasionally mumble out lines she probably thinks are for Big Lebowski 2 is not only a miraculous stroke of sheer luck for Tara Reid, but an insult to anyone with a real job (obviously I don’t include myself in that statement). That’s probably what her agent* was thinking when he took the first offer. And that’s why there are so few moral agents.

*A talking duck

American Pie has already spawned two theatrical sequels, four direct-to-DVD sequels, and countless uncredited attempts to capitalize on its success.  Meaning that there’s a huge built-in audience for the American Pie brand. And if you agreed with that idiotic statement, congratulations, you could be a Universal exec.

The studio is poised to bring on “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle” writers Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg to script a new take on the franchise, which is being described in the development community as “American Pie 4.” [Hence a sequel to the last theatrical sequel rather than a complete reboot] The movie would come on the heels of the third theatrical movie in the franchise, “American Wedding,” which came out in 2003, and a slew of lucrative DVD titles that followed.  At least some of the original cast is interested in coming back for the new picture, though sources emphasized that development is early and there are no actor deals in place.  [LA Times]

The only way I’d be interested in this is if Chris Klein plays his “This guy walks through the raindrops” character from Street Fighter.  But of course the original cast is interested.  Tara Reid and Natasha Lyonne need coke money, and Thomas Ian Nicholas will probably want to build a Scientology center or something if his music career doesn’t pan out.   And Eugene Levy (see the top row of the below graph), he’s just happy to help out.  Sh-t, he’ll sing at your Bat Mitzvah if you ask nice.

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