Here’s a short clip from Daybreakers in which a dude demands more blood in his coffee and before you know it, a FEEDING FRENZY breaks out!  OOH WHA-AAA AA-AA!  Sorry I don’t have more time to explain this clip or write something coherent, but I’m rushing out the door to get on a plane.  But you know who’d like this clip?  Professor Sharksworth, that’s who.

(Arrow added to emphasize titties)

Well this is weird. Just last night someone was talking about Brooklyn’s Finest. He said he’d seen it at Sundance last year and I asked why it wasn’t out yet, and he said probably because the ending was ridiculous and terrible.  It comes from Training Day director Antoine Fuqua (is it just me, or is everyone named Antoine either a flaming gay or a big scary tough guy?) and stars Ethan Hawke, Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, and Wesley Snipes.  As the headline would indicate, it basically looks like if Crash was set in Brooklyn.  So much crime and racism, it’s a shame what’s happened to our inner cities.  If only Sandra Bullock would teach more blacks to play football.

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Aside from zombies, the two most overused elements in movies today are vampires and the post apocalypse.  Yet Daybreakers has them both and somehow still seems fresh.  Maybe it’s because of Willem Dafoe?  Anyway, this is the second trailer.  Basically, Willem Dafoe and Ethan Hawke are living in a future that’s kind of like the vampire Matrix where everyone’s a vampire and humans are farmed for their blood.  Willem Dafoe is one of the last surviving humans and Ethan Hawke has invented a magic potion that turns vampires back into humans.  Also, there are crossbows.  Hopefully at some point, someone will ask Willem Dafoe how he plans to beat the bats, and he’ll be like “Easy. I brought my Hawke.”

Ow, shut up, I was already leaving.

The Spierig Brothers made their film debut back in 2003 with “Australian zombie horror comedy” Undead.  They’ve sinced moved on to vampires, and their latest, Daybreakers, stars Willem Dafoe, Ethan Hawke, and Sam Neill.

Edward Dalton (Hawke) is a researcher in the year 2019, in which an unknown plague has transformed the world’s population into vampires. As the human population nears extinction, vampires must capture and farm every remaining human, or find a blood substitute before time runs out. However, a covert group of vampires makes a remarkable discovery, one which has the power to save the human race. [Yahoo]

Normally I’d hear the word ‘vampire’ and start wanking dismissively out of reflex, but I’ll give them credit for a concept that sounds marginally more interesting than your usual fangy romance.  It looks like they use the premise more as a play on society and mortality than on love.  I guess what I’m saying is, I’ll bite. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!  ‘CAUSE THEY’RE VAMPIRES, GET IT???  (*sigh*) I suck. In related news, I hear Willem Dafoe f*cks like a gargoyle. True story.

What Doesn’t Kill You bills itself as the true story of director Brian Goodman, who co-wrote the film with Paul Murray and Donnie Wahlberg.

Hawke and Ruffalo play childhood friends Paulie and Brian, who are forced to survive on the tough streets of South Boston through a life of petty thievery. They join a local gang of criminals, but Brian finds it hard to reconcile his work and friendship with Paulie and his relationship with his wife (Amanda Peet) and son.

I’m excited for another Boston gangster picture, but I’m disappointed about the accents.  They seem much less realistic than in The Depaaahted or Mystic Rivah.  Also, if this is the guy’s life story, where’s the part about how he moved to Hollywood to become an actor?  Hey yous queahs, what I really want is to fackin direct ovah heah. Hey, ahn’t you da guy from New Kids on da Blawk? I think the full title should be What Doesn’t Kill You Gives You Mad Street Cred, or What Doesn’t Kill You Ingratiates You to the Wahlbergs.