Trailer for Hanna, y’all:

Raised by her father, an ex-CIA man, in the wilds of Finland, Hanna’s upbringing and training have been one and the same, all geared to making her the perfect assassin. The turning point in her adolescence is a sharp one; sent into the world by her father on a mission, Hanna journeys stealthily across Europe while eluding agents dispatched after her by a ruthless intelligence operative with secrets of her own.

So basically, the chick from Atonement/Lovely Bones — Saoirse (“SIR-shuh”) Ronan — is raised in the woods with Eric Bana, who turns her into a PERFECT KILLING MACHINE.  My favorite part was when she was riding in the undercarriage of a car like Cape Fear.  I wish she’d also had a knife between her teeth and was screaming YOU CAN’T RUN FROM SAOIRSE, MOTHERF**KERS!

Then in the next scene, someone’s looking at her DNA tests marked “ABNORMAL.” I’m telling you, if this chick turns out to be a secret dwarf hooker, I might pass out from glee.

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This is a just-released deleted scene from Star Trek.  I loved the movie, but this highlights the one aspect I hated — shaky-cam, quick-cut action sequences that give you no sense of the spatial awareness of a scene, just the cliff’s notes cause and effect.  Anyway, I’ll let /Film describe the context because that’s easiest for me.

JJ Abrams shot a sequence for the Star Trek reboot featuring a few members of the infamous alien race, the Klingons. The scene featured Nero [Eric Bana] chained to a table being interrogated by the masked, ruffle-headed creatures with Centurion slugs who are looking to find out information on the future. The sequence basically explained what Nero was up to in the missing years. This is one of the deleted scenes in the prison break sequence that has found its way online to promote the upcoming DVD release.

Wait, so this was supposed to be the scene that finally gives us Klingons and now that it’s here they’re wearing a mask the whole time?  That’s like paying for sex and then finding out you have to wear a condom.  Relax bitch I told you I was clean.

When you’re a big Hollywood director, giving major roles in your movies to your wife is pretty standard, and can lead to things like Rose McGowan playing the queen of England. “Excuse me, like, this throne is totally chafing my vag.”  Luckily Judd Apatow was smart enough to marry Leslie Mann, who just so happens to be freaking adorable.  The latest clip from Apatow’s Funny People has Mann getting into an argument with Eric Bana, who plays her husband, and badly mimicking his Australian accent.  Maybe it’s just me, but even when she’s playing a total bitch, whenever she’s on screen I get the overwhelming urge to start a tickle fight.  I guess what I’m saying is, I’d let her pee on me.  What?  It’s sterile.

Watch the Funny People clip here

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What is the manliest tear jerker movie?  (Sidenote: “Tear jerker” was my nickname in high school.)

(This is how Ryan Gosling 69s)

In The Time Traveler’s Wife, Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams meet at a bar, hook up a few times, catch a few dinners and a few flicks, and eventually decide they aren’t going to do any better than each other.  So they move in together, get married, have kids, and settle into a life of alternately boring and fulfilling mediocrity.  Ha, just kidding, they find true love, but it’s complicated because he’s unstuck in time ;-(

(trailer below)

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Lost creator JJ Abrams’ Star Trek origin story has a new TV spot after the jump.  It’s more or less the kind of TV spot I would’ve made for this movie – lots of flying and explosions and Bruce Greenwood, almost zero Zachary-Quinto-as-Spock.  Pretty sure the original Spock didn’t have creepy plasticized skin.  He looks like a mannequin that would normally have a ball gag in its mouth.

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