History has not been kind to Star Wars Episode I, mostly because it sucked. But that won’t stop Lucasfilm from re-releasing it in 3D, which they’ve been promoting constantly with an extended trailer on Cartoon Network. Luckily this turd cloud has a silver lining, because the folks at Aggrogate decided to re-record the whole thing as death metal.

I improved it by adding some death metal vocals and a Cannibal Corpse soundtrack. Yes, that’s every line of the trailer re-recorded with a death metal voice. You can tell it’s death metal singing because you can’t understand most of it. That’s how you know it’s working. [Aggrogate]

I have to say, I find the death metal version strangely tolerable. George Lucas should re-release the entire series as a death metal video. He’d probably have to re-title it CORPSE F*CKED BY A ROBOT or something, but changing his work after the fact doesn’t seem to be an issue for him.

You can see the original TV spot below. The sound R2 makes after Jar-Jar Binks electrocutes his face kind of sounds like a wet fart, which seems fitting.

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UPDATE: Now with video

10 years ago, Jake Lloyd played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode I.  He’s now 20 years old.  An Australian Sci Fi blog recently caught up with him during a trip down under, and the resulting interview is a study in maintaining a cheerful exterior while reliving deeply scarring childhood events.

“It’s been part of my life for the last 10 years, so… [holding knees and rocking back and forth] High school, they wouldn’t let it go.  You know how they can be in high school. [dripping with sarcasm] They’re so charming and intelligent.  Ah.  Awesome people.  So, uh… Yeah, that was wonderful.  College was… has been similar.  Again, you’ll never find more intelligent, charming people than the drunk students of a college world.”

“I certainly shouldn’t complain about it… it’s a funny aspect, it seems to be a universal aspect of culture, is that once you hit that age, [shaking fist] ‘whatever stands out the most must be said the most!’”

[When asked: "If there was one person you could use the Force Anakin/Darth Vader-style on, who would it be?"]

“I wouldn’t, because I know that as*hole’s life is worse than I could make it.”

Yikes.  I’m impressed with him for staying so calm when you can feel the rage bubbling just beneath the surface.  Let it out, kid, you’ll feel better.  Just tell ol’ George what’s on your mind.  “‘Look out, R2′?  Really!?  You had 20 years and that’s the best f-ing dialog you could write for me, you fat a-hole?”  Anyway, chin up, kid.  You’re not the first person to say George Lucas ruined his childhood.

[Via ScifiTV.au, relive the Podrace scene after the jump - thanks to HitFix for finding the interview]

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Since R2D2 spends all his screen time beeping and farting like a fax machine for no reason, someone on YouTube had the bright idea of giving him subtitles.  The resulting video (below) is like Look Who’s Talking meets Star Wars.  It’s kind of funny, though it could’ve been edited down a lot. At the very least, it’s a good opportunity to relive the magic that was Episode I.  And by that I mean good God that was an awful movie.  There’s no way Lucas shared that script with anyone before he filmed it.  I refuse to believe that there’s someone out there who read ANAKIN: Let’s turn left!  Anakin turns left ANAKIN: Now let’s see how they like my spin trick! Anakin does his spin trick – and didn’t do everything in his power to stop the movie from being made.
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