Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus opens on Christmas Day, which is fitting since its star Heath Ledger now lives in an enchanted castle with Jesus.  I’m honestly not sure if this is even a new trailer because it seems like I’ve already posted 10 of these and the opening’s still a few months away.  It’s received mostly mixed reviews in its festival screenings, but I’ve always tended to like Terry Gilliam movies more than the critical consensus — rare for a prick like me.  And you can tell this one’s going to be really impressive because the epic opera gasp choir gets quite the workout.  I’d like to borrow them as my personal background music.  They could build to a crescendo right when I took my pants off, that way it’d really drive home the point that when the girl sees my weiner, she’s witnessing something miraculous, like the birth of a unicorn.

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This is the trailer for Ninja Assassin, from V for Vendetta director and protege of the Wachowski… uh, siblings… James McTeigue. And for extra credit, it stars a Korean pop star known simply as “Rain.”  Well, looks like now’s good a time as any to break out the played-out crappy action movie checklist. Shall we?

• Ninjas? Assassins?  Check and check, obvi.
• Origin story?  Check.
• Underexposed for dramatic effect?  Check.
• Gruff Asian mentor with thick accent?  Check.
• Pop musician attempting to act? Check.
• Homoerotic shirtless training montage?  Check.
• Protagonist raised by fraternity of assassins?  Check.
• With whom he later has a falling out?  Check.
• Slow-motion CGI weaponry?  Check.
• Car driving through explosion? Check.
• Cheesy butt rock soundtrack courtesy of Linkin Park or Papa Roach or God forbid… Hoobastank?  Check. (*shudder*)
• Epic choir gasps???  Check and mate, motherf*cker! TICK TICK TICK… SPLOOGE!

Well that clinches it, this looks familiar enough for me to go see (I spaz out like an autistic kid when movies get too unpredictable).   Man, one job that must be recession proof is the people in that epic opera gasp choir.  Between UFC events and movies based on graphic novels, they must work 18 hours a day. You can just see them practicing. Instead of a baton, the conductor just stands at the podium karate chopping boards.  Ahh ahh ah-ah!  Ahh ah ah ahhh-ahh AH AH….