I won’t pretend to know a lot about Steve Coogan, other than he was in Tropic Thunder and The Other Guys, and those are movies that I enjoyed. I also remember reading that Courtney Love blamed him for Owen Wilson’s attempted suicide or whatever a few years back. But I don’t think that was as serious as people made it out to be, because I went to a Jimmy Buffett concert in Tampa around that time and Wilson was sitting next to my friend and his wife and they shared a bottle of Captain Morgan. So maybe Courtney Love was making things up or my memory just sucks.

Either way, people seem to be quite fond of Coogan’s character, Alan Partridge, enough that he made a movie entitled, Alan Partridge in Alpha Papa. The film will hit theaters in England and wherever else on August 7, but I don’t have a clue as to whether or not it is being released in America. Maybe this is revenge for that whole Declaration thing. Way to hold a grudge.

Alpha Papa has a new teaser out today, and I’d probably be a lot more upset if it was actually called Gunbird.

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British Batman’s costume doesn’t seem to fit very well, but you can’t argue with his crime-fighting skills. The unidentified man above was captured by closed-circuit cameras at a police station in northern England, where he dropped off a 27-year-old man wanted for burglary. He kind of looks like if you roused Batman late at night and he only had time to throw on some slippers.

Closed-circuit television footage showed a portly figure wearing an ill-fitting costume including gloves, cape and mask, bringing a 27-year-old man to a police station in Bradford in northern England.
The suspect was arrested and charged with handling stolen goods and fraud-related offences, said the force. But the costumed crime-fighter disappeared into the night without leaving his name.
“The person who brought the wanted man into the station was dressed in a full Batman outfit,” said a spokeswoman for West Yorkshire Police. “His identity, however, remains unknown.”
The suspect was handed over in the early hours of February 25, said police who released photos of the footage on Monday. [Reuters]

Compared to the heavily-armed populace of the US, Britain is still a largely gentle place, where British Batman can fight crime effectively using nothing but his wits, his own two hands, and a utility belt filled with bangers and sausage rolls in case he gets hungry. His only superpower is that he cares. When a crime has been committed, British Batman immediately bursts into action, downing the rest of his pint and loudly demanding “Oi! Wot’s aw dis den?”

British Batman seeks no recompense for his heroic acts of vigilantism, though in their gratitude, the Yorkshire police occasionally pay him in puddings. More than half of his crime-fighting schemes involve dressing up as a lady.

In case you weren’t smart enough to avoid Twitter and Facebook on Wednesday, you probably noticed that it was “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”, because we have a day for pretty much anything else you can think of so why not that, too? Well folks, it’s all fun and games on Talk Like a Pirate Day until someone loses a passenger ferry to a drunken pirate, which is exactly what happened in Dartmouth, Devon, U.K.

Alison Whelan, 51, was just minding her own business on a 2-day bender, when she suddenly decided to invoke Pirates of the Caribbean and steal a ferry, because when you’re mega-butthoused it’s either that or poop your pants, and boats are way more fun.

Whelan was so drunk on Lambrini she dialled 999 and officers raced to the scene but she then unmoored the 45ft vessel and started drifting away.

She was heard shouting “I’m Jack Sparrow” and “I’m A Pirate” as she made her escape on the double-decker ferry.

But the boat then began hitting other vessels ”like a pinball machine” – including a £70,000 catamaran, Torquay Magistrates Court in Devon heard.

The boat finally came to rest an hour later a mile upstream where lifeboats arrived to tow Whelan and her accomplice back to the harbour.

When arrested she claimed that she ”would have ended up in St Tropez” if she hadn’t been caught. (Via the Telegraph)

For her maritime crimes, Whelan received 122 days in jail for “aggravated vehicle taking” which is really a thing. According to the police, she eventually admitted that she didn’t even think of stealing the ferry until she had untied three of the docking ropes because she kept tripping over them. Eventually she just said, “ARRRRRRRGH! F*ck ye!” and untied the rest of the ropes, because her ass just started sailing.

But every stolen ferry story has a silver lining. With this latest arrest, Whelan may finally get the help she needs to battle her problem with alcohol. You know, until she receives her new liver that she’s currently waiting on, and then yo ho ho, blow the bottle of gin down.

[Requisite Arrested Development reference: She needs a maritime lawyer! Call Chareth Cutestory! -Vince]

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Who needs sound when you've got Uggie?

When I brought up The Artist to Ben, the Frotcast’s resident Transformers fan, he just stared at me in disbelief. “What do you mean, ‘silent?’ Like people’s lips move and no words come out and they just have those cards to explain what people said?” That’s correct. It sounded like the most ridiculous idea he’d ever heard, which is why it’s not that surprising that people who didn’t know going in have been demanding refunds. Or at least, such is the case in Liverpool.

Film-fan Nicola Shearer, 25, attended a screening at Odeon Liverpool One after a wave of complaints. She was asked by cinema staff if she knew “it is a silent film”.
English graduate Nicola, from Liverpool, said: “Of course I knew it was and I asked the usher why she wanted to know.
“She then told me some people complained and asked for refunds because there is no sound and the screen is smaller.
“I thought it was really funny and laughed.”

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On Saturday, thousands of people gathered in 11 cities across the planet to celebrate the birth of Peyo, the man who gave us the Smurfs, for Global Smurfs Day 2011. In fact, 4,891 people combined to set a new Guinness World Record for the “Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Smurfs within a 24-hour Period in Multiple Venues.” This, of course, means that there had been a previous record for people dressed as Smurfs, and that distinction belonged to 2,510 losers. As for the people who participated in this global blue ball…

The 11 venues were Brussels, Belgium; Athens, Greece; Scheveningen (The Hague), Holland; Dublin, Ireland; Mexico City, Mexico; Panama City, Panama; Warsaw, Poland; Moscow, Russia; Johannesburg, South Africa; New York, USA; and London, UK. The record was announced by Marc Weinstock, President, Worldwide Marketing for Sony Pictures Entertainment. Mr. Weinstock commented, “It’s a thrill to see so many people turn out to be a part of this true fan moment in Smurfs history. Breaking a Guinness World Record on Global Smurfs Day is a testament to the enormous appeal and popularity of these beloved characters.” (Galatta)

It’s certainly a Smurf of a marketing tool for Sony, as the company’s live action feature The Smurfs opens on July 29, starring Neil Patrick Harris, Katy Perry… *sigh*… George Lopez, Kenan Thompson, and Jeff Foxworthy. As for this new record, I’m an 80s child so I can appreciate the nostalgia for a cartoon that influenced a generation to try hallucinogenic drugs, but after looking through hundreds of photos from around the world, I was a little confused. You can see for yourself what the gatherings looked like, as I’ve included images from England, Poland, Ireland, Mexico, Panama, South Africa and New York City after the jump. Let’s see if the rest of the Drunkards can figure out why I’m upset.

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