Official synopses usually aren’t the most interesting thing in the world, but considering The Amazing Spider-Man, from director Marc Webb and Scarfield, basically tells the same origin story that the Raimi/Tobey Maguire movie did a few years ago, and still had the balls to tag the poster “THE UNTOLD STORY,” I thought it’d be interesting to see how they tried to spin the synopsis. The real reason Sony keeps making these is that if they don’t, the rights will revert back to Marvel, but I admit “BECAUSE WE HAD TO” doesn’t sound great in a press release. But it was basically the same situation with Fox and X-Men: First Class, and that worked out okay. It goes to show you never can tell.

One of the world’s most popular characters is back on the big screen as a new chapter in the Spider-Man legacy is revealed in “The Amazing Spider-Man.” Focusing on an untold story that tells a different side of the Peter Parker story, the new film stars Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Campbell Scott, Irrfan Khan, with Martin Sheen and Sally Field. The film is directed by Marc Webb from a screenplay written by James Vanderbilt, based on the Marvel Comic Book by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. Laura Ziskin, Avi Arad, and Matt Tolmach are producing the film in association with Marvel Entertainment for Columbia Pictures, which will open in theaters everywhere in 3D on July 3, 2012.

“It’s an a different side of an already different story, and the main thing that strikes you about it is that it’s so drastically… different! I mean really, this is about as different as two stories that both end in a kid gaining radioactive spider superpowers could possibly be.”

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I heart Emma Stone.

The Help, starring Emma Burns Stone and Viola Davis, has been a critical and box office hit, raking in $119 million while standing strong with scores of 73% (critical) and 91% (audience) on Rotten Tomatoes. The story, of course, centers around a young white girl (Stone) who befriends two black women who are maids for wealthier white families, and they write a book about their work as the help. Ah, that title makes sense now.

The film is also based on the best-selling novel of the same name by Kathryn Stockett, and it turns out that the author had some good insight into the lives black servants, as her brother had a servant named Abilene. Viola Davis’ character is named Aibilene. You see where I’m going with this?

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This is already everywhere, so I might as well get it up as soon as possible. Jim Carrey made a video love letter to Emma Stone [TRANSCRIPT AFTER THE JUMP] and put it on Twitter. As a dude older than Emma Stone myself, I think the basic idea was funny, but it needs a punchline of some kind to make it less creepy. Sidenote: What is it about Canadians that makes you super weird in your old age? By the way, I made one of these for Eden Wood (aka Cutie Patootie) that was way funnier and equally heartfelt (“I just wanted to let you know that I think your patootie is all the way cutie, not just beautiful, but not snooty”), but the cops said they had to destroy it. Now, what I’d really like to see is Emma Stone’s reaction video. |EOnline|

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Coming up later today: A new Frotcast, a review of Our Idiot Brother, Paul Rudd’s latest

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Word on the street is that Sony says this trailer (which first showed up on Movie-List this morning and quickly jammed their server) still isn’t the “official” trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man. But if that’s true, why is it exactly the same as the butcammed version from a few days ago, which seems to have been shot in a theater? It sounds more like it’s an early leak of the real trailer that Sony is calling unofficial so that they can give the exclusive to their preferred outlet later in the week. But I suppose there’s an outside chance this is leaked, unfinished footage, so draw your own conclusions there. Yeesh, this is way less fun than wiener jokes. What do I look like, a journalist? (*takes off pink speedo with “JOURNALIST” printed on crotch*)

Aaanyway, the trailer. Is there anything to say about this trailer? It looks like a fairly straightforward remake of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man with some POV shots ripped from the old video game thrown in to make the 3D seem more exciting (which works, mostly). I like the cast better too. But enough to make a remake of the origin story we all know seem necessary? Ehhhh. It’s more shrugworthy than dismissive wank-inducing, so I guess that’s something. Oh and hey. Is super-thick hair one of Spider-Man’s spider-bite-induced mutations? Because look at that kid! I could upholster my van with that shag. Does anyone else think Scarfield is a dead ringer for Emo Llama?

(If you add glasses, he becomes Hipster Llama. So pretentious!)

[Stars Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, Denis Leary, and Rhys Ifans, directed by Marc Webb. Opens July 3, 2012. Thanks to ScreenJunkies for the embed.]

Sony’s 3D Spider-Man reboot, The Amazing Spider-Man, starring Scarfield and Emma Stone, directed by Marc Webb (HAHA, SPIDER. WEBB. ROFLTWAT.), doesn’t open until NEXT July, but all the nerdiest of nerdlingtons are already mopping their be-dandruffed brows in anticipation of the Comic-Con panel they’ll probably have to wait in line six hours for. No doubt riding that wave of misplaced enthusiasm, Sony has released this new batch of photos to Entertainment Weekly.  At its core, Spider-Man is really a story about a limber young photographer from the city who spends his nights trying to shoot hot webbing on the baddest of bad boys, but within that, there’s plenty of room for minutia. Questions left to be answered. Questions like, what color will his girlfriend’s hair be? Will his web shooters be organic or mechanical? Will he have big hair like a Twilight character? What does his ass look like in the suit? Is it matte finish or glossy? Does he have visible panty line? What color f*ck-me boots? Why am I still typing this?

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