I’m pretty ignorant about the whole Hunger Games thing, so I just assume it’s a book series for teens and adult women smart enough to be embarrassed about reading Twilight (DO NOT DISPUTE ME). Anyway, the new trailer for the Gary Ross-directed movie adaptation is here, and… correct me if I’m wrong, but (note: NEVER CORRECT ME) isn’t this just a teen version of The Running Man meets Surviving the Game (starring Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, and Gary Busey)?  Not that that’s necessarily a deal breaker. I’ll put up with a lot to see Jennifer Lawrence running (*swoon*) and Stanley Tucci with a blue ponytail and a suit made of glitter (*double swoon*). The Tooch Man! I love it. Here, watch the trailer, and then show me on this doll exactly where it Tooched you.

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For a while, it seemed like Sam Worthington was on pace to star in every movie for the next 10 years, but even an A-lister has to stop to roll around on top of his pile of Avatar cash for a few months. Worthington is back now with Man on a Ledge, playing a cop who spends two hours threatening to kill himself. Admittedly, I don’t know much beyond that so I turned to IMDb’s trusty cabal of commenters for the plot synopsis, which I have not edited for the sake of humor.

An ex-cop framed turned con threatens to jump to his death from a Manhattan hotel rooftop. The nearest New York Police officer immediately responds to a screaming women and calls dispatch. More Officers arrive with swat and tactical command along with FDNY. The NYPD then dispatches a female police psychologist personally requested to talk him down from the ledge. However, unbeknownst to the NYPD on the scene, the suicide attempt is a cover up for the biggest diamond heist ever pulled. Be ready to journey on a roller coaster ride of many twists and turns and see what happens! Written by Anonymous

Damn you, Anonymous. Is there no corner of this Internet that you can’t reach?

Thankfully, Man on a Ledge has a trailer out now, so we don’t have to guess the plot based on the description of my 10-year old niece. The film also stars Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell, Ed Harris, and Edward Burns, who I tell people I’m related to so I can feel cool.

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Paul Haggis has written a lot of movies, but is probably best known for his work on the consecutive Best Picture winners Million Dollar Baby (which he wrote) and Crash (wrote and directed).  You know those plot points that are patently unbelievable and cartoonishly depressing?  Yeah, the Academy calls that “drama.”

Anyway, this is the trailer for Haggis’ latest, The Next Three Days, starring Russell Crowe and Elizabeth Banks, opening November 19th.  They’re a cartoonishly happy family, until one day, (*RECORD SCRATCH*) a lesbian who looks like RuPaul arrests Elizabeth Banks for murder.  She goes to jail and has no hope of getting out, so she tries to kill herself.  That’s when Russell Crowe decides to break her out.  He goes to Liam Neeson for help, because although Liam Neeson doesn’t have money, what he does have is a particular set of skills.  Then the action scenes happen.  My guess?  Russell Crowe successfully breaks her out of jail, but in the third act they watch their son slowly succumb to Lou Gehrig’s disease.  So sad!  Can this win a DOUBLE OSCAR?

Kevin Smith was having so much trouble getting art approved for Zack and Miri Make a Porno (trailer) that he ended up using stick figures. But merely having ‘Porno’ in the title is a sticking point for many advertisers.

Among those refusing to carry ads are about 15 newspapers and several TV stations and cable channels. Commercials for the film during Los Angeles Dodgers games on Fox Sports were dropped at the team’s request after some viewers complained, said Dodgers spokesman Josh Rawitch.
One complaint came from a man watching a game with his young son, who did not understand a suicide-squeeze bunt the Dodgers tried, Rawitch said.
“He was explaining to his son what a squeeze bunt was. Commercial break, the ad comes on, and the kid asks, `Dad, what does porno mean?”‘ Rawitch said. “Dodgers baseball has always been about family, and we’ve always been sensitive to the type of advertising that runs on our games.”

Not sure what squeeze bunts have to do with anything, but… This is an outrage!  People shouldn’t have to explain things to their kids!  Job one as a parent is sheltering your children from the realities of existence for as long as possible. It’s a sad day in America when you can’t feel comfortable plunking the lil f-cker down in front of the tube while you hit the strip club.

The city of Philadelphia refused “Zack and Miri” posters at bus stops. Rina Cutler, Philadelphia deputy mayor for transportation, said the stick-figure posters were cute and clever but unacceptable for bus shelters where schoolchildren would see the word “porno.”
“If they want to call the movie `Zack and Miri,’ that’s fine, but Zack and Miri cannot make a porno on my bus shelters,” Cutler said.

Hey, Rina, I hate to break this to you, but a kid hanging out at a bus shelter in Philly has seen far worse than the word “porno.”  They’re probably too busy trying not to step in hobo shit to even notice. Read the rest of this entry »

^{Liz Banks does an awesome retard impression}

From the guys who did the Ben Kingsley-Minor Threat and Bill Hader-Bad Lieutenant videos comes this latest whatsit, “This is Not Sex.” It stars Zack and Miri headliners Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks and was directed by Tony Kaye, of American History X fame. The pedigree is probably cooler than the actual video. Mainly it’s random clips spliced with famous sex quotes like “SEX IS GOD’S JOKE ON HUMAN BEINGS. -Bette Davis.”

Another one of God’s jokes? Making banana peels so slippery!
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