Not the master of being considerate enough to shut the screen door and keep the bugs out, I guess.

Not a lot is going on this week with major Hollywood DVD releases, but at least what little there is includes The Master. There’s also the latest Twilight flick, but it doesn’t come out until Saturday, so come back in four days and see that I’m still not covering it. Not to worry, though; as always there’s enough obscure indie, low-budget and foreign fare to discuss.  Besides The Master, we’ll cover flicks with Gerard Butler, Sharon Stone, and Christian Slater.  We’ve got flicks about surfers and AIDS and elephants and zombies, and even another elephant. Trust me, this other one is luckier than the rest.  There’s a company of heroes and some fast girls.  We’ve even got a zombie massacre!

The DVDs:
The Master
Chasing Mavericks
How To Survive A Plague
Holy Motors
Border Run
Company Of Heroes
Freaky Deaky
The Loneliest Planet
Darnell Dawkins: Mouth Guitar Legend
The Eyes Of Thailand
500 MPH Storm
Fast Girls
My Lucky Elephant
Silent Souls
Total Retribution
Zombie Massacre: Army Of The Dead

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

The description for one of these movies includes the phrase ‘Reptilian Sex God!‘ You’ll have to continue reading to find out which one it is.  There’s also a movie with both Andy Dick and Crispin Glover. If you want to know which flick that is, you know what to do, continue reading.  If you’ve already seen The Master and are pretty sure everything else is crap, feel free to click the link above and skip right to this week’s streaming suggestions.  You’ll miss out on some graphic video of elephants having sex, but that’s your choice to make, I guess. Read the rest of this entry »

Water for Elephants. Opens April 22nd. Directed by Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend), adapted by Richard LaGravenese (Fisher King) from Sara Gruen’s best-selling novel, starring Reese Witherspoon, Christoph Waltz, and Robert Pattinson.

The first thing I thought upon leaving my screening of Water for Elephants was, “Hmm, how ashamed should I be for liking the new Robert Pattinson movie?”  I’ve never secretly torn through a trashy romance novel before, but I imagine the feeling is similar.  Trust me, I certainly shared your pre-conceived reservations about Greezy Reese Withersoon, her supposed faux-erudite obnoxiousness, and her scary dagger chin; Robert Pattinson’s Hartnettian squintitude and association with the Twilight franchise.   But before I knew it, I was swept up in a world of elephants! Circus freaks! Midgets! Whores! Tramps riding the rails! Jolly winos! Italian street vendors! Lions! Tigers! Christoph Waltz chewing scenery!

You damned circus hucksters, you know my distaste for cheesy romance is no match for my love of 30s carnie talk!

R-Pattz plays Jacob Jankowski, who begins the film older, as a sad, nostalgic Hal Holbrook pouring his guts out to a stranger, which always makes me go a big rubbery one. OH NO, HE’S HOLDING A BLACK AND WHITE PICTURE!  STAND BACK, THE OLD MAN’S ABOUT TO REMINISCE!  Damn Hal Holbrook and his old sad eyes, they could sell me anything!

Read the rest of this entry »