I’m sure there are some various, mildly interesting things happening in the world of movies right now, but all that can wait, because Hollywood needs to option this story RIGHT THIS F*CKING INSTANT.  Spencer Hall from EDSBS‘s summary is the best outline I’ve ever read:

Mr. Sayed Al Essawy successfully staged his fight with a five year old male lion in a cage in a rural wheat field in the village of Saba’a Al Thabit. The self-styled strongman and wrestler claimed victory over a largely disinterested lion, who one person in the crowd claims was sleepy from being fed an entire donkey prior to the fight. Success for Mr. Al Essawy consisted of what he called the lion’s “surrender,” which he claims happened when the stupefied animal laid down in the corner of the cage and refused to do anything.

Essawy claims he was inspired to perform this stunt in order to boost tourism and lift his countrymen’s spirits out of a post-revolutionary funk.  I don’t know if it worked, but a thousand screenwriters on a thousand grams of cocaine couldn’t come up with a Danny McBride vehicle this brilliant. Some of the details:

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The Middle Eastern press reports that Nicolas Cage will lose 13 pounds and gain $40 million to play assassinated Egyptian president Anwar Sadat in a miniseries for Egyptian TV (oh God please let him be in blackface…).

Egyptian writer Anis al-Degheidy, who wrote the series, recently announced that shooting was to start mid-2009. Al-Degheidy, who has written some controversial books including Saddam Was Not Executed, said the TV series would be in English and also dubbed in Arabic. [via Earthtimes - thanks to handsome Mossad agent Ohad for the tip]

Nicolas Cage, such a tragic hero.  His career soared to amazing heights on the wings of his tremendous acting talent, with movies like Adaptation and Leaving Las Vegas, but then he flew just a little too close to the sun and melted his forehead, whereupon he fell back to Earth in a bear suit and punched a girl.  Icarus Cage, I like to call him.

Reached for comment, Mickey Rooney said, “’Anwar Sadat’ – Hey! That sounds like someone trying to choose pictures for a Chinese food menu.  ‘Anwar sadat?’  ‘Dat? Dassa broccori beef.’  ‘…Anwar Sadat?’ ‘Dat? Dassa egg foo young.’  ‘…Anwar sadat?’ ‘Dat? Wha, you stupid? Dassa szechuan pork, dum-dum.’”   …Oh Mickey, what an insensitive cornball you are.