Fire at will, Arnie.

TMZ reported yesterday that Terminator 2 actor Edward Furlong, now 35, was arrested on Tuesday for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, and it was a confusing read at first, because I had just assumed he had been in jail this whole time for drugs or whatever, but apparently I was wrong. I blame myself for letting my subscription to Actors Who Destroyed Their Lives Before 30 Digest.

According to TMZ…

Edward Furlong was released from an L.A. jail last night following his domestic violence arrest — and he looked like a harbinger of death on his way out, wearing a Halloween-appropriate skull t-shirt.

The troubled “Terminator 2″ star was released around 6:30 PM on $50,000 bail.

Police are still deciding whether or not to press criminal charges, but this is Los Angeles, where actresses can run over small children, drive hammered wasted and high on cocaine and play real-life Spy Hunter on the L.A. freeways without a driver’s license, and they’ll actually be assigned someone to do community service for them. So there’s a strong chance that Furlong will receive a commendation from the mayor.

But if I can, I’d like to take a moment to talk to the ladies here for a new segment I’m calling FilmDrunk’s Female Fortune Telling (or something more clever).

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Look, I like Terminator 2 as much as the next guy, but I’m not sure that means I want to see a flabby, 63-year-old robot in a movie from the guy who directed Fast Five and Annapolis (is it just me or is it bizarre that James Franco was in that?  no joke, I could’ve sworn it was C-Tates). Nonetheless, a new Terminator movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger ( which was first announced a few days ago) is just the kind of idea that will steamroll the hundreds of entirely warranted reservations, solely on the basis that it sounds like it should be a big deal.  That’s just how spectacle works.  The latest news on the project, by way of LatinoReview, is that it will be called “Terminator 2012″, and it could reunite the “entire original cast”.

Or should I say “Terminator 2012” which is the title the pitch is going under right now. It involves time travel back to the present day, and – the exciting and mind-bending part of it all – is that it has the “entire original cast” attached to it, not just Arnie. I don’t know what “entire original cast” means, but it’s safe to assume that AT LEAST means Linda Hamilton is coming back to re-establish herself as the face of Sarah Connor. At best, we somehow get Michael Biehn as some sort of old Kyle Reese…

[UPDATE: Biehn says he hasn't heard anything about it, so take that for what you will.]

Oooh, will they bring back Moon Bloodgood, or Kristanna Loken??? Or maybe even Nick Stahl???? I don’t want to get my hopes up! I don’t know what “original” cast means exactly either, but I can only hope it’s code for… EDDIE F*CKING FURLONG!

Typical child actor

[Thanks for the Arnold pic, Pauly, you Mexican adonis you]

According to people who know these things, December 10th is ‘Human Rights Day’, and in Vancouver, Amnesty International will be celebrating by sponsoring the premiere of Darfur, along with a Q & A by its director… Uwe Boll.

The movie stars Billy Zane and had a typo in the trailer, so either Amnesty International is unfamiliar with the man’s work, or they’re making people sit through one of his movies as a way to demonstrate that torture is wrong.  I can’t imagine what the Q & A will be about. Everyone knows the Sudan has only one true spokesperson, and that spokesperson is Bangs:

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Uwe Boll, everyone’s favorite hack director (it’s passé to demand that he stop making movies, but he does suck), is reportedly shooting a film called Janjaweed about the strife in Sudan (the Janjaweed are an Islamic militia responsible for many of the massacres).  According to Variety, it stars Edward Furlong (Terminator 2), Billy Zane, and Kristanna Loken, and is shooting right now in Cape Town.

Aside from the idea that a guy who does awful video-game movies is now directing a movie about the Darfur massacre, Boll was last suing Billy Zane for 700 large, not even a year ago. Hard to imagine they’d be working together again so quickly.  So I ask, Variety, is this your idea of an April Fool’s Day joke?  If it is, please go back to doing what you do best, like making up gay words like “prexy” and “helmer” and “protag,” and writing stories with child-like metaphors.  Leave the jokes about Africa and rape to me.