A Memphis woman is making headlines this week after announcing plans to marry a cardboard cutout of Twilight‘s Edward Cullen. See? I told you this would happen if we elected Obama.

“I’m definitely not used to this level of attention but I’m really pleased with it,” said Memphis College of Art graduate Lauren Adkins. “It’s been kind of a shock.”

You announced your wedding to a cardboard cutout and you say you’re enjoying all the attention? Nooo. Someone, please, revive me with smelling salts and fetch me a new monocle.

Adkins is making a big splash with her art project, her thesis for her masters at the University of Las Vegas.
“It’s a theatrical performance in which I’ll be marrying Edward Cullen,” Adkins said.
It will actually be a cardboard cutout of the lead character in the enormously popular Twilight movies, featuring vampire Edward Cullen. His cut out will be at the altar with Adkins at a Las Vegas Chapel. There will be guests and a reception. Just like a real wedding.

Ahh, so it’s a performance art piece. Somewhere, James Franco’s dicknose is half tumescent. Meanwhile, in a symbolic gesture, Adkins’ father plans to hold a competing ceremony, divorce proceedings him and $20 grand.

Read the rest of this entry »

[I put them side by side, but you can see the gif version at Geekologie]

Getting a tattoo of a celebrity or pop culture character is one of the best ideas a person could have, and I’d urge anyone within the sound of my voice to go get one, if you’ve been considering it even a little. You won’t regret it. Though, over the weekend I was in Fresno, and I saw a girl with an angel wing back tattoo that had guns inside the wings, which seemed pretty cool too (true story). Anyway, the tat in the banner picture (it’s a before and after) comes to us by way of our friends at Geekologie, so we’ll let them tell the story:

Per reader Kylie:

OK, so this guy I used to know recently made a deal with his friend that they would choose each other’s tattoos and they would each get theirs while being blindfolded. He took his blindfold off to see this — Edward, from Twilight! Yikes! So later he had it covered up with RUFIOOOO!

RU-FI-YOOOOOO! We miss you, Rufio. I only pray that this isn’t the last time I get to use my “DANTE BASCO” tag.

And I hope that guy wasn’t surprised when he woke up the first time. A true fan would know Edward Cullen’s face by feel alone.

Read the rest of this entry »

I ordered a Chocolate Pattinson from a hooker once.  …ONCE.  (It’s when she sticks her finger up your butt, then uses it to draw bushy eyebrows on your face, then punches you in the stomach so you get that “young-actor-with-heartburn” look.  Look it up, dude.).

Seriously though, this is supposed to look like Robert Pattinson?  Who made that, the littlest chocolatier?  It looks like Oscar Wilde with jizz in his hair (which was my nickname in high school).

This just seemed apt.

-Thanks to Robo and Jirish for the tips

Looks like I won’t be needing you anymore, glitter-covered fifi.

That’s because someone (finally!) made an Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson sex pillow, or “manllow: half man, half pillow” as they’re calling it.  Wait, did I say sex pillow?  I meant abstinence-support pillow.  Just don’t lean on it too hard, it doesn’t know if it can control itself around you.  Coming soon, Edward Cullen manllow chest-extenders, for the young lady with more loneliness to love.  ”I like to watch you sleep, and stuff your face with ice cream.”

No word on whether they’re resistant to cat fur.

[Thanks to ToplessRobot for finding this]

Just to be clear, I’ve got nothing against Robert Pattinson.  Out of all the Twilight cast, he seems to take himself the least seriously, which is key when you’re known for playing a glittery vampire.  Which is why I almost feel sorry for him when I hear he has to grin like a jackass and pretend not to be skeeved out by things like a tell-all documentary called Robsessed.  The title alone makes me want to mix up a drain cleaner highball.

Charting the rise of the British star of the “Twilight” pics, “Robsessed” is London-based Revolution’s first title to be made available to buy or rent through iTunes in the U.S. and Canada, as well as in the U.K.
Distrib’s recent U.K. theatrical hits include French crossover “Tell No One,” “U2 3D,” Brit urban pic “Kidulthood,” Charlie Kaufman’s “Synecdoche, New York” and Cary Fukunaga’s Sundance director prize winner “Sin nombre.” [Variety]

If a guy came into my office and told me he ran the production company that produced both “Robsessed” and “Kidulthood”, I’d reflexively poke at my armrest for the button that would drop him into a pit of sharks. It’s pretty much why the shark button was invented.