After the jump, I’ve got a new trailer for The Incredible Hulk, which, according to ComingSoon, can be found on Best Buy promo DVDs – free with select DVD purchases.  Movie voice guy says:

Dr. Bruce Banner, genetic scientist, experimenting with the body’s ability to repair itself and fight disease, until an accidental overdose of gamma radiation unleashes something inside him.  Something… incredible. 

At this point in my recut of this trailer, the screen would fade to black and Bruce Banner would unleash a truly epic fart.  The kind of fart that could end a marriage.

[Movie voice guy, cont’d] Pursued by the military, searching for a cure, until a new threat emerged, unlike anything we’ve seen before.  [Bruce Banner] “There’s only one thing that can fight that, and it’s in me.”

*Tony Stark emerges from behind Banner, sweaty and naked from the waist up* [Stark] “You trying to tell me something?  Should I throw the suit on or what?”   

Source for video = ComingSoon

Source for fart-ending-marriage joke = George Carlin 

The internets are all a titter with new clips from The Incredible Hulk – you can watch a couple of them after the jump, but I think my favorite is the one above.  It’s a promo for the Hulk-themed American Gladiator episode that airs two weeks from now.  Just in case Titan’s spandex clothes, flaccid, highlighted blonde locks, waxed eyebrows, and smooth, steroid-enhanced physique weren’t gay enough for you, now he’s going to paint himself green, flex a lot, and whisper creepy stuff in the contestants’ ears.

In related news, when I take other men from behind I think it’s really hot to talk in a Macho Man Randy Savage Voice.  Tiiime for a reacharound! OHHH YEEAAAAH!   *smashes bedside lamp with dildo*

The third trailer for The Incredible Hulk is currently playing before Speed Racer.  I’ve reposted it here since that’s the only way anyone will see it  [Hold on a sec…yep, that’s a burn].

It looks about as exciting as the other trailers.  Moving on, if I were a superhero, I’d be The Incredible Sulk.  One minute, mild-mannered movie blogger.  Then from out of nowhere someone changes the channel on the TV and I throw THE MOTHER OF ALL HISSY FITS.  You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. No one does. 

Empire Magazine released two stills from their upcoming feature on Louis Leterrier’s The Incredible Hulk, in which Ed Norton must harness his powers of CGI to defend the world from the sinister forces of Liv Tyler (opening June 13th… the movie, not Liv Tyler).  I’m glad I’m not like the Hulk.  All it would take is someone wearing crocs or a white guy listening to techno in his car and my "No Fat Chicks" t-shirt would be ruined.

I’m also sick and tired of these goddamned adjectives trying to tell me what I think about a movie.  The other night I rented The Greatest Story Ever Told, and all I could think was that they should change the name to a picture of a dude doing the mocking masturbation gesture.   

The upcoming Louis Leterrier (it’s French for "The Terrier")-directed Incredible Hulk, starring Edward Norton and coming out June 13th, now has an official poster.

The poster features Ed Norton wearing denim and looking all broody and emo, which makes sense considering the Hulk is basically the physical embodiment of Bruce Banner’s emotions.  If this were a movie about the physical embodiment of my emotions, the Hulk would be a pink unicorn with a 10-foot cock.  I’m complicated like that.

(click on the thumbnail for the full size)