As you can see, in the alternative ending of Pineapple Express (trailer, review) credits would’ve rolled over a shot of Seth Rogen and James Franco holding hands.  It’s hard not to notice that borderline gay relationships are a recurring theme in Judd Apatow movies. You wonder if he’s worried people will start to talk.  But I think he’s hit on an important universal truth: guys just like hanging out with other guys.  They make great spotters, plus, you can ask them things you could never ask a girl.  Things like, “Hey, bro, how’d you get your arms looking so ripped?” and “Dude, if I had abs like yours I would just die.”

[via Empire]

Planet Earth: Antarctica this ain’t, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.  The key to enjoying Encounters at the End of the World is to resign yourself early on to the idea that what you’re watching is essentially the vacation slideshow of a privileged and eccentric world traveler.  The traveler in question, director Werner Herzog, makes his way through Antarctica photographing everything from exposed magma in a volcano to seals and penguins to endless varieties of unexplained* sea life beneath the Ross ice shelf. Cool stuff, but it’s best just to enjoy them as isolated scenes, because for all of Herzog’s hard-boiled, existentialist voice overs, that’s basically what they are.

There’s no question that the dark prince of the documentary (you may remember him from 2005’s Grizzly Man, which I highly recommend if you haven’t seen it) has a singular voice, and he certainly spouts his share of classic one-liners here (I loaz za feelink of za sun on both my skin and my celluloid).  The problem is not that he has an agenda – all good documentaries have some sort of axe to grind – it’s that as the film goes on, his agenda shifts so much from scene to scene that it begins to feel disorganized.  The narrative arc gets lost and then there’s nothing pull you from scene to scene, so when he switches gears, you find yourself losing interest or wishing he’d elaborate on whatever crazy thing he just said.

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WATCH THE TRAILER FOR SEX AND BREAKFAST AFTER THE JUMP 

Eliza Dushku (you may remember her from Bring it On or as Arnie’s daughter in True Lies) is a super hot actress whose career has been cold lately.  Showing the kind of judgment that should serve as an example to hot bad actresses everywhere, she appeared in a direct-to-DVD thriller about young couples experimenting with anonymous group sex called Sex and Breakfast.  Tagline: Inhibition is the Enemy

Post Mr. Skin Search: Check that. Apparently this R-Rated, direct to DVD movie about group sex features no nudity.  Also, did I mention Macauley Culkin’s in it?  At the end of the trailer he asks, “After sex, I get this moment of clarity.  Do you ever get that?”

I would think that’d be a bad question to ask if you’re Macaulay Culkin, since the most obvious moment of clarity would involve going, “Holy shit, I just fucked Macaulay Culkin.”   As for me, I usually don’t have my moment of clarity until later on, after I’ve sobered up.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that in both cases, vomiting is probably involved.

The Cloverfield DVD comes out April 22nd, and two alternate endings with almost thirty seconds of never-before-seen footage have hit the web.

In them, the two main characters use the video camera to record their dying words.  “I wish I would’ve done something remotely interesting with my life!”  they shout.

Just kidding, they actually just cry and whine about some stupid crap before the camera goes dead.  Boy, I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t wait to watch this handheld zapruder footage on high definition blu-ray!

[Source] 

A remake of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure is in the works.  Of course, it’s a direct-to-DVD turd with none of the original cast.  You can read the whole depressing story here, but I thought it’d be more fun to figure out ways to update the story for today’s kids.

* Bill and Ted join a hip hop dance crew
* Rather than travel back in time, Bill and Ted put on a musical about history. Starring Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus.
* Zombies
* Change San Dimas to Laguna Hills, and instead of Bill getting sent to military school, he’s just freaking out because his girlfriend Ashley told him she’s not ready for a relationship right now.
* Bill and Ted join an underground male-model MMA club, in Bill and Ted Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
* Wyld Stallyns becomes an emo band called Sonance of Neptune
* In Bill and Ted’s Mexcellent Adventure, the boys take Ghandi and Rasputin to a wet t-shirt contest in Cancun a few years ago where they must kill Eliot Spitzer’s whore
* Nick Cannon

Okay, so the real story is Bill and Ted are now worried about missing The Dark Knight and their new band is called "Atomic Gorillas" (why not just go with "Fall Out Ape"?). Lame.