"Expectus Patronum!"

In the latest issue of the British GQ magazine, actor Daniel Radcliffe admits that he had battled an alcohol problem while filming the latest Harry Potter films, specifically Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollow Pt. 2. Radcliffe said that it was during the filming of the highly-anticipated finale that he realized that he was in trouble and that he had to do something. I assume that started with snogging Emma Watson.

Said Radcliffe in various excerpts:

“I became reliant on [alcohol] to enjoy stuff … There were a few years there when I was just so enamored with the idea of living some sort of famous person’s lifestyle that really isn’t suited to me.”

“I really got away with that because there were so many instances when a paparazzi shot like that could have been taken,” he told the magazine.

“There’s no shame in enjoying a quiet life,” he said. “And that’s been the realization of the past few years for me … As much as I would love to be a person that goes to parties and has a couple of drinks and has a nice time, that doesn’t work for me. I’d just rather sit at home and read, or go out to dinner with someone, or talk to someone I love, or talk to somebody that makes me laugh.” (Entertainment Weekly)

On one hand, it may be the least shocking piece of news ever that a teenage British actor had a drinking problem. That’s like feigning surprise when a Lohan is busted with crystal meth… eventually. On the other hand, good for Daniel to man up and be an example of maturity and responsibility. Although, I should point out that Edward Cullen would never drink or smoke. It might damage Bella’s fragile, fuzzy vampire womb.

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Though many of us have gotten pretty loaded in the past, maybe even so loaded we peed the bed and then blamed it on our girlfriends, chances are we never got sh*tcanned and ended up in bank with a loaded gun like Rip Torn.  Who’s 78.  The only way this story could be more awesome is if he’d tried to get away on a velociraptor.

The veteran actor Rip Torn, 78, was arrested in Connecticut on Saturday after police found him “highly intoxicated” and with a loaded revolver inside the Litchfield Bank in Salisbury, where the actor lives, Reuters reported. Mr. Torn, who has had a few run-ins with the police over drunken driving in recent years that resulted in fines, a license suspension or probation, was held on $100,000 bond.  [NY Times]

I think Rip Torn, Nick Nolte, Gary Busey, and Lou Dobbs should have a show that’s exactly like The View, except all they do is get wasted and complain about different ethnic groups.  The Bleary View, they could call it.  And maybe every now and then, they could throw a few wild animals and/or weapons in the studio with them.  I would literally kill to see that.

^{Can’t remember where this picture came from.}

Sorry I couldn’t work a question mark into this headline, but I should have because the story is highly dubious.  According to Radar Online, who claimed an exclusive, David Hasselhoff was rushed to Cedars-Sinai by his 16-year-old daughter and ex-wife, where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. Which is easily the funnest kind of poisoning.

This time the vodka-guzzling “America’s Got Talent” judge registered a staggering .39. alcohol level. Drunk driving in California is .08.  [Radar]

Holy sh*t, .39 Blood-Alcohol Content (if by “alcohol level” that’s what they mean and I assume they do) is not recreational-alcoholic-overdoing-it level alcohol poisoning, it’s Ukranian-vagrant-chugging-windex level alcohol poisoning.  TMZ, also claiming an exclusive, quotes Hasselhoff’s lawyer as saying Hasselhoff was fine and that the story was cooked up by his ex-wife in order to further discredit him.  What’s the real story?  I don’t know. I don’t even care. I just needed an excuse to watch this puffy doofus eat a hamburger off the floor again.
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