"Eat this pizza, butthorn! It'll pop your goddamn vest buttons!"

GARY BUSEY WAS FRAMED! A couple of loser photographers called the cops on Gary Busey, saying he was driving drunk.  Only when the cops stopped him, they found that he was “perfectly sober” (is that possible?), and it turned out, the couple who called them only did it so they could take pictures. These butthorns should be sentenced to a headbutting most thorough. Besides, you don’t need a zoom lens to take pictures of Gary Busey, just a freshly-killed deer carcass and a pillow case full of tennis balls. Trust me on this. |TMZ|

New picture of Captain America (Chris Evans) in his suit.  Eh, it’s okay, I guess. I sort of expected America to have a bigger dong bulge. |WWTDD|

Adam Sandler will play Andy Samberg’s father in I Hate You Dad, despite them being 12 years apart in real life.  I was worried Sandler was pulling Samberg, the funniest SNL castmember by far, into his vortex of lazy pandering Sandler’s been in for the last few years.  But the script comes from David Caspe, with a re-write by David Wain (Wet Hot American Summer) and Ken Marino (Party Down), both of whom bring the funny on Children’s Hospital.  Is it too much to ask for a Sandler comedy that doesn’t play to Kevin James’ sensibilities?  I hope not.  |THR|

The Rite poster looks just like cult classic, The Room.  Weird, right? |via|

Paul Dano to join Robert DeNiro in ‘Another Bullsh*t Night in Suck City’.  Dano will play Nick Flynn in the adaptation of Flynn’s memoir, DeNiro will play his father.  (I saw Nick Flynn read once. He was good).  The title refers to homeless life in Boston.  Bawston?  Wait a second, cawksuckah, don’t you mean SAWX city?  |TheWrap|

Whoa, Drive Angry 3D suddenly looks awesome.  After the jump, see (NSFW) video of Nic Cage delivering my new favorite one liner:

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In Drive Angry, Nic Cage breaks out of hell to save his daughter from being sacrificed by a satanic cult.  You’d think if he was already in hell, his daughter being ritualistically sacrificed would only bring them back together, but it looks like he’s going to drive around shooting people and smoking cigars and not looking at explosions anyway.  It comes from the director of My Bloody Valentine and a writer who swears he’s never seen The Crow, Hellboy, Ghost Rider, Spawn… Oh, and it’s in THREE-D!  My gosh, I can practically touch the lazy screenwriting!

What’d this take to write, six? Seven minutes? This looks like a spoof before they add the jokes.

[poster via ShocktillYoudrop] Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a fun video that re-imagines one of AFI’s all-time-greatest-films countdowns if Anchorman had been number one.  Sandwiched between that kind of ridiculous praise, pretty much anything would be funny. I would’ve gone with the pee-drinking monkey. …But Anchorman is funny too. I guess. [via Fark]

OTHER HEADLINES:

Coming soon: Au Revoir, Crazy European Chick. Paramount has acquired the rights to the soon-to-be-published young adult novel named above with a plan to develop a film with Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage (Gossip Girls, The OC).

“The protagonist is a high school kid whose parents take in an Eastern European exchange student. Though she seems homely and ordinary at first, he realizes he misjudged her. After they leave the prom at her suggestion to go clubbing in New York City, she reveals herself to be a beautiful assassin after five targets.  He is pressed to help and has to figure out if her motives are righteous.”

Said a producer, “Imagine Wanted… in high school!”
“And…?”
“…No, that’s pretty much it.”  [Deadline]

Jon Landis’ son planning the Blair Witch of superhero movies. Fox is negotiating to pick up Chronicle, a spec script from Max Landis. It’s reportedly a hand-held, first-person, Blair Witch-style movie about three Portland teenagers who are exposed to a mysterious substance in the woods and develop special powers.  Eventually they turn against each other.  When I was a teenager, that substance was called “alcohol.”  I’m not sure combining two lame ideas adds up to one good one, but at least they’re buying a whole script and not a “pitch.” Or a “board game.”  Or a “gum wrapper.”  Yes, the bar has been lowered.  [THR-HeatVision]

Reese Witherspoon doing another boring musician biopic. Witherspoon is said to be the driving force behind a proposed biopic of singer Peggy Lee, with Nora Ephron (Bewitched, Julie & Julia) attached to direct.  Upon hearing this news, my pet Orangutan just scratched his ass and smelled his finger.  My thoughts exactly, buddy. [Variety]

Nic Cage’s Drive Angry has a trailer

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As I reported a few minutes ago, Nu Image/Millenium is making Rambo 5 about Rambo tracking down some kidnappers. Not to be outdone (by themselves!), Nu Image/Millenium is also making a movie about Nic Cage tracking down some kidnappers.  “…what I do have is a particular set of skills, and the most ridiculous haircut in the world.”

Nic Cage has signed to star in “Drive Angry,” a 3D revenge action movie that Patrick Lussier will direct for Nu Image/Millenium Films.  [See also: "Don't drive angry.."]

Patrick Lussier is the guy who did My Bloody Valentine 3-D, so you can bet this will be a real think-piece about dyslexic Holocaust victims. 

Written by Lussier and Todd Farmer, the story centers on a man (Cage) driven by rage who is chasing the people who killed his daughter and kidnapped her baby. The vendetta/rescue spins out of control as the chase gets bloodier by the mile, leaving bodies strewn along the highway. [THR]

So Nic Cage drives a car, you see, while being driven himself by rage.  It’s like a meta French Connection, a Ronin set within the architecture of the human mind set within a giant forehead.  Though I’m not sure if Nic Cage will be able to pull off screaming and being agitated, it seems like such a “stretch.”  (*wank motion*)