No surprises this week – Horton Hears a Who stayed at number one, raking in $25.1 million, while Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns (which didn’t screen for critics) was right behind with $20 million, averaging nearly $10,000 per screen. Once again proving that Tyler Perry’s butthole is basically an ATM machine.

Drillbit Taylor, meanwhile, landed in fourth place in its first weekend, finishing behind a half-assed horror flick starring Joshua Jackson (Shutter).  Sample Shutter review:

“The main problem is that they spelled the title wrong. The first vowel should be an I.” -Fearnet

Oh Snap! Sample Drillbit Taylor review:

“Imagine Curly Sue, but McLovin-ized.” -UGO

Double Snap!  Wait, what the fuck does that even mean?

[Based on weekend estimates]

Opening this weekend:

Drillbit Taylor
Written by Seth Rogen, based on an earlier script by John Hughes (written under the pseudonym Edmond Dantes), this looks… really lame.  Makes me wonder if Owen Wilson faked his suicide attempt to get out of promoting it.  Sounds extreme, I know, but If you’re Pete Wentz that just means washing a chewable aspirin down with a wine cooler – look out, ladies, he’s dangerous! One time his mom took away his Super Nintendo and now he’s got wounds that’ll never heal!  Anyway, I’m pretty sure this a ripoff of a film in which I starred a few years back, Jailbait Sailor.  I’m not proud of it, mainly just…sore.

Shutter
*Shudder* 

Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns
One of these days I’m going to watch a Tyler Perry movie to see what all the fuss is about.  As soon as he makes one that looks halfway interesting…

The Hammer
Adam Carolla does Rocky.  I might rent this someday, but I like Adam Carolla far more than most (might be a Californian thing).  Most reviews were split on the fact that he doesn’t seem to be trying very hard.

Under the Same Moon
This looks painfully heartwarming. Never trust a movie with a crappy title.

Planet B-Boy
“Planet B-Boy is set in the international world of b-boying – the urban dance more commonly known as ‘breakdancing’.”  This one’s a documentary, so hopefully no one has to save the rec center.  And to be honest, watching a guy slide 10 feet across the floor on his head is actually kind of intriguing.

A couple of clips from Drillbit Taylor – written by Seth Rogen, produced by Judd Apatow, starring Owen Wilson – have made it to the intertubes. 

Opening this weekend, it appears to be about some kids who need a bodyguard to protect them because they all have stupid hair.  Eventually they hire Owen Wilson to come scare people with his cock-like nose. 

When I’m king, all high school kids will be played by 30-year-olds in costume.  I know it sounds rash, but child actors are the scourge of this nation. A couple more clips after the jump, if you’re into the whole mediocrity thing.