In Real Steel, from the director of Night at the Museum, Hugh Jackman trains robots to box, which is one of the more ridiculous premises I’ve ever heard.  But once I found out Kevin Durand was in it, my skepticism melted away like an icicle in my butt.  Anyway, this one’s about a robot who Hugh Jackman finds in a trash heap that always seems to win.  It’s basically the Seabiscuit of robot boxing movies.  Haha, I just typed that.  And then at the 1:07 mark, the robot punches the other robot in the crotch.  (*rings oversized bell*) NUT SHOT IN THE TRAILER!!! NUT SHOT IN THE TRAILER!!! (*runs around room with arms above head*)

Oh, and then Hugh Jackman shouts, “BRING IT!”

Silly Human. It. Has already been. Broughten. Bleep borp.

"Bleep bop boop (*fart*)"

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Yahoo just broke the first full-length trailer for I Am Number Four, the Spielberg/Michael Bay produced aliens-in-high-school movie directed by DJ Caruso, who seems to have completely lost his mind after Salton Sea (which was awesome).  It stars Alex Prettyfur as an alien on the run who hides out in high school (a la 21 Jump Street), where he falls in love with Dianna Agron (the hot one from Glee).  Timothy Olyphant plays his guardian, a role he won after Sharlto Copley wanted to wear alien ears.

The project is based on a young adult novel by James Frey (A Million Little Pieces) and Jobie Hughes. Seeking to capitalize on Twilight fever, Dreamworks bought the rights before the book was finished (a la Robopocalypse and Amp), which concerns a good alien on the run from bad aliens who’ve chased him to Earth.  At least it’s just his hands that sparkle this time. I can only imagine the thought process behind this one.  “Hmm, let’s see, we’ve got Cowboys vs. Aliens, aliens vs. Battleships, aliens vs. Michelle Rodriguez… why not aliens in high school?  C’mon, greenlight this and let’s do some blow.”

Dramatically adjusting your hoodie is the new looking like you have heartburn.

A possible adaptation of Halo, Microsoft’s $2 billion video game, has been discussed for a long time.  The closest it got to being made was with Peter Jackson mentoring future District 9 director Niell Blomkamp a few years ago, but there were too many people involved (Fox, Universal, Microsoft, Peter Jackson’s people) and it fell through.  If you’re interested in the long, complicated back story of the process, Vulture has a thorough feature on it up today.  But the gist of it is that Dreamworks wants to make a Halo movie, and their plan is to base it on the Halo novels.  So if you wrote a Halo novel, congratulations.  You may have just won the dork sweepstakes.

Despite Spielberg’s status as Hollywood’s top producer and his ability to attract the best original scripts, DreamWorks has been focusing on using novelizations of the video game — the literary equivalent of Purina PuppyChow. It seems strange for Hollywood’s most successful filmmaker to rely on such lowbrow source material, but it’s actually a shrewd way to dodge the knotty legal issues and bitter recriminations surrounding Halo’s development at Universal and Fox. [Vulture]

Yes, yes, very shrewd, Spielberg, making a film about a novel about a videogame.  That seems like a worthwhile pursuit.  Videogame movies are always good, right?  My only question, Mr. Smug Vulture Writer, is what the f*ck do you have against PuppyChow?  You’ve got a lot of nerve.

Dreamworks has just released the first trailer for the Michael Bay-and-Steven-Spielberg-produced, DJ Caruso-directed, aliens-in-high-school movie, I Am Number Four, based on the forthcoming book series from James Frey (the Million Little Pieces guy) and Jobie Hughes.  It stars Timothy Olyphant, Teresa Palmer, Dianna Agron, Kevin Durand, and Alex Pettyfer, whom I have renamed Alex Pretty Fur.  If you’ll remember, this is the film Sharlto Copley dropped out of in a dispute over alien ears.  Anyway, here’s the rundown:

In the film, an extraordinary young man, John Smith, is a fugitive on the run from ruthless enemies sent to destroy him. Changing his identity, moving from town to town with his guardian Henri, John is always the new kid with no ties to his past. In the small Ohio town he now calls home, John encounters unexpected, life-changing events — his first love, powerful new abilities and a connection to the others who share his incredible destiny.

His incredible destiny?  MIND BULLETS!  (*tries to bend spoon, poops pants*)

Meanwhile, in an incredible exclusive, I was able to obtain this footage of director DJ Caruso directing the action on set:

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If the Shrek poster didn’t convince you, this new Megamind poster should.  It’s official, Dreamworks is just screwing with us now. Haha, epic trolling, Dreamworks.  Armond White would approve.  Your new name is “Memeworks.”

[via ComingSoon]