Here are some of the stories I would’ve covered had I not been waiting for Time Warner to turn my cable on for four hours. But everything’s cool now, because it almost works.
Shane Acker’s 9, which actually looks kinda cool, has a new poster. Based on my extensive research, that staff looks like something you’d shove up a dude’s ass.
Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley sold Cal of the Wild to Dreamworks. I don’t know what it’s about, but it doesn’t matter – that title is pure gold! |Variety|
Rob Cohen has backed out of xXx: The Return of Xander Cage in order to direct Medieval, “an event-sized action film that Cohen calls ‘The Magnificent Seven’ in the Middle Ages,” and I’m sure will be good because it’s being directed by the guy who did xXx and Dragonheart. Not to mention Stealth. Remember Stealth? (*fart sound*) |Variety|
Ben Stiller washed his hands after touching Mexicans and apologized by demanding a job in the Mexican government or something. Seriously, try to figure out what the f-ck’s going on in this story. |Yahoo|
Of course. The Star Trek coffin. “He died the way he lived: cold and alone.” |Toplessrobot|
Weinsteins are having money troubles, and because they really need Inglourious Basterds to be a hit, they’re demanding Tarantino cut it by 40 minutes. I wished they’d had money troubles while he was editing Death Proof. |TheWrap|
Dueling John DeLorean (the guy who invented the car) biopics are in the works, including a version from James Toback (Tyson), Brett Ratner, and Robert Evans. $10 says Ratner collects a big paycheck for doing absolutely nothing yet again. Reached for comment, Ratner said “Gnugh?” and coughed up a nacho. |Variety|
And finally, James Marsters, the guy who played Piccolo in Dragonball Evolution, claims there’s going to be a sequel, even though it only made $9 million in the U.S. Because somehow, it made $45 million in Asia. Figure that one out. Who knows, maybe it doesn’t suck if you squint. |somesite|