BROS! This is bigger news than the time Taint and Biscuit almost threw down over Fingerbang Katie at the Phi Delt slave auction! Call up Dozer, Chopsticks, Manson, Steve, Black Steve, and Assf*ck Rich and get them off Dawn Patrol, STAT! Have Mooseknuckle drive his mom’s Benz if you have to, this is important! Start making flyers now, if we don’t blow this up huge, Nationals is going to be PISSED! Spinach didn’t get hazed to death last fall for you to act like bitches!

Entourage creator Doug Ellin is on page 110 of his screenplay and “gonna finish by Sunday (I pray)”, he emails me. Ellin notes that no one wants to see the movie greenlighted by HBO more than the series’ WME packaging agent Ari Emanuel (the prototype for Gold) and executive producers Mark Wahlberg and Steven Levinson. Ellin says that Wahlberg keeps promising “to kill me if I don’t write faster. Every time I see him, Mark says, ‘I’ve made 5 movies this year. Get going!”

He says his script starts about 6 months after the TV series leaves off. “There are interesting developments about Ari as a studio head, and that’s still the first page for me. But foremost is the friendship between the guys who are still hanging out and going to fun parties [OH THANK GOD, I WAS SO WORRIED -Ed.], and it continues with the same characters.” Ellin has kept in touch with all the key castmembers:  Jeremy Piven (“Ari”), Adrian Grenier (“Vince”), Kevin Dillon (“Drama”), and especially Kevin Connolly (“E”) and Jerry Ferrara (Turtle”) who are two of Ellin’s closest friends [possible explanation for how those two charisma vacuums got their jobs in the first place?]. Those Entourage actors have been getting other gigs while HBO has been paying Ellin for the script. [Gigs such as "token white guy in Steve Harvey movie," and "least famous person in ensemble rom-com."]

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Terrorists Doug Ellin and Mark Wahlberg issued a new round of threats this week, reaffirming their commitment to releasing an Entourage movie inside the US, an attack whose consequences would be catastrophic, experts say. Officials responded by tightening security at club openings, Hooterses, and men’s mag writers meetings, promising to arrest anyone caught using the phrase “hug it out, bitch,” “victory,” or “Got MILF” and hold them indefinitely as enemy combatants. Homeland Security has upgraded the Douche-Threat Level to Sunglasses at Night.

More assurances that HBO’s longrunning comedy series Entourage will spill onto the big screen with a movie, following the end of its 8-season run this fall. “If I had to finance it myself, I would do it,” executive producer Mark Wahlberg said during the TCA session dedicated to Entourage‘s final season. “I’ve been telling Doug, The Hangover is to me very much like Entourage, and look at all the recent success of R-rated movies.” Doug would be Entourage creator/executive producer Doug Ellin. “We’re going to do a movie,” he said. “We’re going to do it, the questing is when and how quickly. Hopefully we’ll come down with an idea and make it happen.” [Deadline]

I agree, Entourage is a lot like The Hangover. The only distinction I see is that Stu could’ve killed that tranny he banged, dismembered her, and buried her in the jungle, and still been more likable than anyone on Entourage. “But, Vince, what if you don’t do dat Brett Ratnah movie, who’s gonna drive us to da pool party?”

Tagline: “Time to sack up and fist-bump your destiny, queer.”

We had our fun with Keanu, but we always knew it would have to come to an end at some point.  Luckily, he’s not the only celebrity a paparazzo has caught looking sad for a fraction of a second.  And just when we needed a new fix, here comes Val Kilmer, rocking a sherpa jacket and house slippers like they were shoes, looking even forlornlier.  Aw, why so blue, tiger?  What mysteries do you hold, Sad Val?  Are you listening to Elliot Smith on that iPhone?

Okay, okay, enough of my palaver.  TO THE PHOTOSHOPS!  (Update: I added a couple user submissions, which are much better than mine, at the end of the slideshow. Keep ‘em coming!).

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